We made love on that bed, under the beamed ceiling, with the A-frame glass overlooking the full moon and the ocean, and it was tender and passionate and playful. Maybe I was trying to make a quick, impulsive decision mean something deeper, but that night, Adam made me feel like I was worth loving.
That despite my mistakes and missteps and whatever I’d done or hadn’t done that had led me to that preacher in front of all my friends and family before I’d finally found the courage to say no—despite everything—I was going to be okay. He gave meunderstanding and comfort and acceptance. Support when I’d needed it most. Laughter over silly nonsense we shared that I’d never told anyone before. I trusted him completely.
And afterward, I fell into a deep, drugged sleep.
Adam
A phone was ringing and ringing. I startled awake, disoriented, taking in the room. Beams of moonlight slanted over the bed, the sounds of the tide entering through the windows along with the balmy air. Finally, my gaze landed on the woman next to me, covered by a sheet, her shoulders bare.
For a moment, it was a dream—the moonlit night, the surf, Ani next to me. And everything was good, it was happy, it was exactly the way it was supposed to be.
But as I became more awake, I remembered the frantic coming together, the act of comfort and caring—the desperation.
I rubbed my forehead.What had I done?
There was no further time to think. I groped around on the floor until I found the offending device. Ani’s phone told me it was 11:45 as I walked over to the bed and gently shook her shoulder. She lifted up her head from the pillow, her blond curls spilling everywhere.
“Someone named Mia’s calling,” I said, handing her the phone.
“Hello?” she said, sleep in her voice. “Mia, hi! I—um—fell asleep early. Wait—what?” She sat bolt upright, clutching the sheet to her chest. “Inthislobby?” More pause. “Oh my gosh, you didn’t. Sam too? I-I’m speechless.” She stood, sheet andall, and hopped around, gathering her clothes. “Give me a few minutes. I’ll be right down.”
She hung up the call and tossed the phone onto the bed. “My best friends are in the lobby.”
“This lobby? Like,here?” None of my advanced degrees appeared to be helpful in making the truth penetrate my thick skull.
“Yes, here. They somehow got time off. They flew in after work!”
“Oh.” I sounded disappointed, which, I have to be honest, I was. I rubbed my neck. “I mean, yeah. You have great friends.” But I didn’t mean it. Because those friends were going to make me give her up sooner than I’d expected.
“I do have great friends.” She grabbed my arm. Her touch was light and warm, and I wanted to grab her hand and kiss it, kiss her arm, kiss every part of her over and over again.
I grasped her hands tightly. Her gaze searched mine. I tried not to look agonized, but that was exactly how I felt. “Ani.” I took her in—her wide-open eyes, her heart-shaped face, her halo of hair that caught the light in so many different ways. My voice came out strained, serious. “We created a bubble here. One that we knew would eventually have to burst.”
She nodded in agreement. “We’d be fools to think that this was anything more than two people seeking comfort at a time when we both really needed it.” Then she smiled brightly. “Because of you, I reduced my uncontrollable crying from ten to five times a day. Big improvement. Huge.”
“And I’ve actually gone and seen this beautiful place instead of staying in my room reading my journals.”
“Neither of us is in a good place.” She was right, of course.
“I would never want to be a regret.”
I could feel both of us mulling that over. Tension lay heavily in the air, which smelled scented and tropical and felt like a warm caress.
A last one.
“You could never be a regret,” she said softly.
“You deserve the best.” We stared at each other for a few long heartbeats. I couldn’t breathe. My pulse was skittering. My body flooded with a warm heat that I recognized as desire. It felt wonderful because I was actually feeling something other than pain. And it felt bittersweet because we’d only just begun, yet it was time to end.
She teared up because we both knew that this was it. This was goodbye.
“Maybe we’ll meet again when—when things are different,” she said. “I mean, Normal Me is kind of nice. You’d like her.”
I tried to smile, but it was hard. I’d thought that getting to know her these few days was harmless, that it would leave no scars. Suddenly, I wasn’t so sure. “I like you now,” I said, gathering her into my arms one last time.
When she looked at me, she was tearing up.
I tipped up her chin, made her look at me. “No matter what happens next, you’re going to be fine. You’re going to go out there and make a huge splash in the world.”
