“Ani, tell us what’s wrong,” Sam said.
I pulled myself together and told them my troubles. “My last interview with Children’s Services yesterday went off the rails. It was the psychosocial one and the case worker was very disapproving about the fact that I’m divorced, that I called off my wedding, that I decided about fostering Rosie on a whim, and that Adam is basically living with me and helping care for the baby. It all made me look like I was impulsive, whimsical, and uncommitted.”
“We all know that’s not the case,” Sam said firmly.
“You did something that no one I know would,” Mia added. “You changed your life for that baby.”
I shook my head. “I’m nothing special. My emotions drive me to do things, and sometimes that’s a good thing, and other times it creates havoc in my life.” I did understand this. But I also felt like my life on paper looked a lot sketchier than my real life. Getting rid of Tyler was the beginning of a life I’d become really happy about—until yesterday.
Across the way, I noticed that the little girl had on a sparkly pink tutu. Maybe she’d just come from dance class. Or maybe she was in a tutu-wearing stage like Taylor, who alternated between wearing five differentFrozengowns throughout each day.
The woman said something. The man placed his arm on hers and laughed. It was a tender, spontaneous moment that made me yearn for what they had—something easy and simple and authentic. I knew in my heart something like that couldn’t be forced.
I felt Sam’s hand nudging mine. “Tell us,” she said.
I took a breath and plunged in. “Adam saw the interview falling apart, so he jumped in and said…said we were getting married.” I covered my mouth with my hand, stifling a sob. Not exactly the way one wants to remember a proposal. Adam’s was a defensive war cry, a savior move that had little to do withusand everything to do with keeping Rosie.
“Afterward, he looked like he’d suddenly contracted a GI bug. He’d made the ultimate sacrifice—for me. But that was just the thing—it was a sacrifice, not a celebration.”
“Are you sure he wasn’t just a little nervous?” Mia asked. “I mean, you’re right, that wasn’t the ideal proposal, but it’s obvious that you two are great together.”
“You two are meant for each other,” Sam said over a sip of her mocha. “Everyone can tell.”
“This is a tiny glitch,” Mia said in her most reassuring tone. “You two will work it out.”
Why were my friends not understanding? “It’s not wonderful. It’s notreal.He did that so that I could get Rosie. He threw himself on the pyre for me!”
“Because he loves you,” Sam said.
“We love Adam.” Mia squeezed my arm. “I think you just need to have a discussion.”
“Is this Nurse Ratched that bad?” Sam asked. “Are you sure she would go as far as not recommending you to keep Rosie? Because you can contest whatever she said. I’m sure all your recommendations are glowing. You’re financially self-sufficient, you have a great job, and you’ve rearranged your entire life to become a foster parent. I mean, come on.”
“She’s pretty bad,” I admitted. “But I’m afraid to rock the boat. I-I don’t know what I would do if I lost Rosie.” I looked down to see that I was wringing my hands. “I can’t think straight about anything else.”
That was what it all came down to. That not-even-twenty-pound rosy-cheeked bundle that I loved more than life itself. What wouldn’t I do for her? But would I sacrifice Adam’s happiness to keep her?
“Rosie takes priority, is what I say,” Sam said. “You can’t risk not getting her. Not after everything. I mean, you’re her mom, period.” She waved her hand impatiently. “Just do whatever it takes. You two were meant for each other anyway.”
The little family was clearing their table, tossing away their trash. They walked off the patio and down the street, the mom pushing the stroller, the dad holding little tutu-girl’s hand. A sweet family picture. A happy ending. It seemed so easy and uncomplicated.
I squeezed both their hands. “Thanks for all that. I need some time to think.” I didn’t feel calmer. And I didn’t feel reassured, even though they’d said all the right things.
Chapter Nineteen
Adam
I usually fed Rosalie her last nightcap bottle in front of the TV while catching a game. But tonight, I sat in her dimly lit room rocking her, singing her some silly lullabies, and trying to think my way through the past day.
I would give my life for the tiny baby in my arms. Period. And I was pretty sure that I loved Ani. But marriage? A child? A lifetime commitment? That was…a lot.
Guilt and confusion hung heavily over me like an anvil about to fall. Ani was extraordinary. The baby was wonderful. What was my problem?
Liv had been gone for a long time, and the dull ache had finally dimmed. I was slowly understanding that love was possible again.
But what if tragedy unfolded again, the kind that I’d been so helpless to stop? Now I had two people to protect, to keep safe, and what if I couldn’t? Life was random and out of control. I couldn’t survive that kind of pain again.
I was startled by a faint rap on the doorframe. Ani stood there in her pink fluffy robe, her hair wet from the shower, looking fresh and adorable. She shuffled into the room with pink fuzzy slippers and sat down on the carpet in front of the rocker, crossing her legs.
