She seemed really happy. It was so intriguing to me that of all things, she’d chosen to come here and do this, hold a little baby who had no one.
She kept throwing me curveballs.
“I hate that they call her Baby Smith.” She pointed to the white card with a stork that was taped to her bassinet. “She deserves a wonderful, amazing name. Who will name her?”
“I don’t know.” The social worker? Children’s Services? Ani was right. “Baby Smith” was generic yet ominous. A placeholder while her life was being decided by forces beyond her control.
For a moment, we sat in silence, listening to the backdrop of typical hospital sounds—phones ringing in the distance, Dale’s big laugh, little noises from one of the babies stirring.
“You came to check on her earlier,” she said, staring at the baby, taking in all her features. “Dale told me.” She flicked her gaze to me. “You’re not a complete grump.”
I sat back and straightened up. “She was born under my watch. You’re not the only one who feels responsible.”
Ani frowned, lines of worry appearing between her eyes. “What do you think’s going to happen next?”
“Well, the social worker will get the ball rolling. Hopefully, the end result will be that she’ll get a great family.”
“How long does that all take?”
It was a process. The baby had to be declared a ward of the state. A foster parent had to be found. Then adoption lists had to be consulted. “I don’t know, but there’s usually a wait list—I mean, newborns are in demand.”
“What if she gets a dud family? Who will watch over her and make certain things work out?” I could see that Ani was emotional,invested. She seemed to wear all her emotions front and center. While I hid mine in bad texts.
I studied her carefully. “I have this feeling that you might generally think that it’s on your shoulders to save the world.”
“No, I just—I just have a more optimistic view of life than you do. I believe in trying to do what I can to make things better. Have you always been like this?”
“What? Practical?”
She rolled her eyes at me. “No. A stick in the mud.”
The baby squirmed and got a wrinkly face and finally let out a giant burp. A strange sound for such a tiny little thing. Aniplaced her deftly on her shoulder and patted her back. “See?” she said with a poignant look. “She agrees.”
How was it that we went from talking about the baby to talking about me? “I have a lot of responsibilities. I have to be all business.”
“Why is it that you feel like you can only do your job if you’re a pill?” She flicked up her gaze. “You must know that they call you Dr. Grumpenstein.”
“Not until you called me that in the ER.” I was startled again, on the inside, anyway. This visit was starting to chip away at my mental health.
“Telling people who never leave work on time because they care about their patients that they can’t eat a slice of pizza behind the desk is just…wrong.”
Now I was angry. Except my mad feelings were blunted by me having flashes of her lying next to me in bed, her softly rounded shoulders tanned against the bright white sheets. “I’m glad you have me all figured out.”
“I don't have anything figured out. Especially not myself. Even you referred to me as a problem.”
No—that wasn’t it at all. I couldn’t let her think that. “You’re a problemto mebecauseIdon’t know what to do with you.”
Tiny creases appeared again in her forehead. “How so?”
I tried for a nonchalant shrug. “I’ve thought about you a lot. Sometimes I even wondered if you were real.” I rubbed my neck. Then I gave up the pretense and looked straight at her. “That was the first completely honest thing I’ve said to you.”
Her eyes grew wide. She flushed. She waved a hand dismissively. “We did something crazy. It was desperate times.” But her voice cracked a little.
This time, I didn’t run from the truth. “I’m not only talking about the sex part.” My turn to blush. I looked around cautiously before I dropped my voice. As if the infants might get the gossiptrain rolling. “Well, that was unforgettable, but the truth is…I really like you. You’re smart and honest and funny. I’m sorry I pretended that we hadn’t met. I was discombobulated when I first saw you and I…I screwed up.”
“I forgive you.” She shifted the baby into her arms, who was back to being sound asleep. “Also, I’m going out on a limb here, but I really like you too. But remember, I don’t have the best judgment with men.”
I tried to pretend I wasn’t suddenly very aware that something between us had shifted. I tried to make light of it. “We aren’t at a tropical destination far away from our cares, our lives. We’re here—where it matters.”
