“And she told you off.”
“In front of the staff. And then again in private. I-I didn’t exactly acknowledge her as someone I knew.”
“Wait—you acted like you didn’t remember her?”
At this point, I was probably regretting my confession. “Because I was thrown. Was I supposed to say, ‘Oh hi, everyone, meet my one-night stand. Great to see you again.’ I got…confused.”
Brax rubbed his neck, deep in thought. “I can’t believe you slept with her.” It sounded so loud when he said it. Aaand it was official. Idefinitelyregretted telling him.
I shushed him and glanced around. No people, just two rows of houses, most of them tidy, except mine of course, and only a silly, curly-haired dog lollygagging down the street, his tongue hanging sideways in a semi-comical fashion. As I squinted, I saw that it was my neighbors’ dog, Arnold.
“Anyway, she’s staff,” I continued. “When she’s in my ER, I’m in charge. I can’t afford a distraction like her.”
He pounded me on the back. “Trust me, Adam, youneeda distraction like this.”
I scowled. Now that I told him, I was for sure gonna have to kill him.
He must have sensed my distress because he changed his tone. “I’m going to be completely honest. People have a certain sympathy for you, but it’s not going to last forever. You can be…a killjoy.” He let that sink in. “And that’s the polite version of what I really want to say.”
“I’m not there to be anyone’s friend. I have to set rules. I have to make sure my staff is ready for anything that walks through that door.”
He rested his arm on my shoulder. That made me a little emotional. “You’re a great doctor, Adam. But having a branch up your ass isn’t going to save everyone who walks through the door. You know that. You’re punishing yourself for something that had nothing to do with you.”
I looked into the distance, at the bright green grass of the golf course peeking through the houses across the street.
He was right, I couldn’t save Liv. But looking back, there were tiny signs, tiny symptoms. We might have caught it quicker. Got her evaluated sooner. Then maybe her bone marrow would have taken. I vowed on her grave that I would make certain that nothing like that ever happened to anyone else on my watch. That way her death might have some meaning because otherwise, it didn’t at all. Not one effing bit.
The silly labradog was now bounding down the street, on a mission, heading straight toward us, loping a little sideways with his awkward long-legged gait. He ran up to me and started running circles and jumping, excited to see me.
I stooped to give him an aggressively playful rub down. “Arnie, buddy, what on earth are you doing here?”
He answered by flopping on his back right on my lawn and wagging his tail for more.
“Who’s your friend?” Brax asked.
“He lives around the corner.” I gestured in the general direction.
“Ever since Mrs. McClellan broke her hip last winter, she and her husband haven’t been walking him regularly. He hates being cooped up. I take him for a run with me when I can.”
“Arnie! Arnold! ArnoldPalmerMcClellanthe Third!”
Some golfers on the 9thhole looked over as a woman in a raincoat, red plaid flannel pants, and flipflops came running toward us.
Brax broke out in a huge, smug grin. “Don’t look now, but here comes your one-night stand.”
I rolled my eyes. “This is why I don’t talk to anyone about my problems.”
He snorted. “If you have a problem deciding about whether or not you should go out with her again, then you need more than a friend to talk to.” He paused. “But just to reinforce what you already know, she’s been hurt badly. She deserves someone who’s going to be there for her. You have to decide if you can be.”
Oh. His friendly ribbing had taken a turn. I respected that he was looking out for Ani in a protective way. But his warning only underscored the fears that I already had about myself.
Ani seemed to appear magically before us, like I’d conjured her from my thoughts, looking disheveled but adorable. She was smiling her usual beautiful smile—until she saw me, that is.
“Hi, Brax,” she said, a little out of breath. “Adam.” I got a much less enthusiastic greeting. I got Princess Leia talking to R2-D2 about the Death Star—deadpan, mortally dangerous.
Her curls were everywhere. She had no makeup on. Her eyes were a pure clear blue—stunning. I had a sudden flashback of her in bed, hair mussed, nuzzling my neck. I pulled off my own ball cap and swiped my forehead with my sleeve. Was it getting warm out here?
How did this woman have the power to make me stupid? And I wasn’t the only one gaga over her. The dog licked her face when she bent to pet him, tail going a million miles a minute.
