Welcome to life, sweetheart.
“Hello, little one,” I said to the determined little bundle. I peeked my head around the drape. “You have a baby daughter. And she’s just beautiful.”
That was when I saw that I wasn’t alone. Adam was standing beside me, gloved and gowned, ready to assist. He’d come in quietly; I had no idea when. I caught his eye, but I had no idea what he was thinking, as usual. Was he checking on me, makingsure I was competent, or had he come for support? I hoped the latter.
My heart was racing a little, but it was from all the adrenaline,notbecause of his nearness.
“Nice job, Dr. Green,” he said. The lines around his eyes crinkled, and his lips turned up in a smile.
I smiled back, knowing that he hadn’t come in to check on my skills. He’d been there in case I’d need him. Exactly like he was in Turks and Caicos.
That made my heart squeeze a little.
“You need anything?” he asked.
I shook my head. “I’m good.”Yes, I wanted to say.I just really want that guy I met last summer. Can you please bring him back?
The baby was really getting the hang of crying now, each intake of breath pinking her up to a wonderful, living color. BethAnn cut and clamped the cord, wrapped her quickly in a blanket, then held her up.
For one brief second, I looked into the baby’s eyes. Blinking, blinded by our lights, confused, helpless. And so beautiful.
I accepted the bundle and brought her to the head of the bed. “Here she is,” I said, on the verge of tears. “She’s perfect.”
Jennie was silently crying, no doubt overwhelmed. She looked up at me, tears streaming down her cheeks. “She’s all right?”
“Wonderful,” I confirmed. Even her little head was perfectly shaped—the delivery was so quick, there wasn’t even any flattening of her skull bones through the birth canal.
We only had a moment; the nurses were ready at the warming table to examine the baby, clean her up, and do her APGAR scores.
Jennie’s gaze flickered from me to the baby and back. She was still crying. “Can I hold her?”
BethAnn gave me a nod. I handed her over.
Jennie touched the baby’s cheek with her hand. Caressed her. Kissed her on the head. Then she lifted the baby up and handed her to me. “I’m not keeping her.” She closed her eyes and turned her head away. “I’m giving her to you.”
Wait-what?
I resisted. “You can hold her,” I said, somewhat stupidly. “Would you like to?”Please, please hold your little baby. Please keep her. Please…anything.I wasn’t thinking any further than this tiny innocent little newborn not having someone to coo and cradle her, shelter her, give her a future….
My eyes filled with tears. This girl was sixteen. Alone. So much was going on that I had no idea about.
Jennie kept her head turned away. “Please take her. I’m giving you my baby. I can do that, right? You take care of her.”
I held onto the baby tighter, clutched her to me. Who would show her that she was loved, protect her from the realities of a world that was harsh under the very best of circumstances? My stomach churned.
I can do that, right?She was handing over her baby to a hospital employee, namely me. She’d verbally expressed her desire to give the baby up. She was activating the Safe Haven Law, which allowed a parent to legally relinquish a newborn without fear of prosecution. Typically, a baby could be brought to a fire station or hospital and handed to an employee—any employee. You could do it anonymously, without question.
“Is there—is there anyone you want us to call?” I asked, wanting to give her every chance. To what? To change her mind?
I knew nothing about her, about her situation. I didn’t know what was right or wrong for her. I was only trying to keep all the options open.
She shook her head, her jaw set.
I touched her arm. BethAnn took the baby from me, and the nurses began to wipe her down under the warmer and take her vital signs. “It’s okay,” I said, squeezing the girl’s arm. “You did an amazing job, you know that? You got yourself here to a safe place and you gave birth to a beautiful baby, and no matter what happens, you’re giving her a good start. A great start.”
Jennie turned halfway toward me. She was still crying. “I want her to have a chance.”
“She’ll have more than a chance,” I said. What was I saying? How did I know that?Be careful, Ani.Sometimes my emotions led me to say things in the moment. I reminded myself not to make promises I couldn’t keep.
