It feels like I’m managing until that feeling decides to pack up and move to another universe.
“I can’t, I…fuck!” I moan. “I can’t do this.”
“Yes, yes you can,” Syrus says. “You already are, baby.”
They talk me through it until I feel the need to push. It’s this guttural instinct, and I don’t even have time to be scared before I look up a Syrus.
“I have to push,” I whimper.
“Standing, laying down, how?” Izzy asks. “You’re the boss,mi amor.”
“Standing,” I decide.
“I’ll get a nurse,” Harlan says, moving away.
“What if you miss it?” I ask, panicking.
“Not happening,” he says, opening the door. “I need a nurse, please!”
“Sir, you need to use the call button,” someone says.
“She’s pushing. Right now. I can add baby catcher to my resume if necessary,” Harlan snarks.
“Already?” the nurse asks, rushing into the room. “Ma’am. You can’t be standing up for that.”
“Watch…me,” I bite out, bearing down.
I decided really soon after finding out that I was pregnant that I wanted to learn everything I could. The guys went to every class possible, and I learned about the autonomy I had over my body. The hospital doesn’t have rules about my standing.
I know this because I checked!
My understanding of contractions was simply incorrect. I know I was told everyone’s experience would be different, andthat’s very true. You don’t know until you’re going through it. Even then, the next pregnancy could be totally different.
The body is an incredibly complex organism.
“I want another nurse,” Izzy growls. “Go find one.”
“Ahhh!” I yell, feeling an intense pressure pushing at my cervix. “It burns.”
“No time for anyone else, I’m afraid,” the nurse murmurs, stopping to pull off her gloves, wash her hands, and grab new gloves. “I’m who you get. That burning is a head being pushed out.”
I’m kind of amazed that she knows that without looking.
Crouching down, she pulls up the gown to see what’s happening.
“We have a head. Do what feels natural. Nice, easy pushes,” she murmurs.
Nodding, I take a second to take a breath before things start to get intense again. This whole counting thing feels like it’s bullshit. My contractions are on top of each other now.
Pushing down hard, I cry out as the baby’s head begins to make its way out. We decided not to find out if the baby is a girl or boy. It’s been making everyone crazy, but this is how I want to find out.
Two more pushes, and I whimper as the nurse catches the baby.
“Reach down and take your baby,” she murmurs.
I immediately burst into tears as I take my baby and hold them to my chest, feeling the cord that’s connecting us as I cry. Isidro’s eyes are shiny as he watches us, as are the other men around me. They help me into the bed, and I find I can’t stop staring at the wiggly baby who keeps trying to get closer to me.
“Hi, honey,” I whisper. “You’re here.”
