“And that stays the same. I don’t expect anything from you.”
A hot knife stabbed into his heart. When he’d agreed to donate his sperm he’d thought he could do it. He’d thought it would mean nothing to him, that it wouldn’t really be his child. Even when he and Krissa had had sex trying to conceive, he’d kept telling himself that. He’d been kidding himself, though. Even if he hadn’t wanted to admit it at the time…now, faced with Krissa, pregnant with his child, the reality was much different.
He fell back against the couch. “Shit.”
Chapter 34
“What’s wrong? You’re sorry you did this, aren’t you?”
“No, I’m not sorry. It was a crazy, fucked up plan that ended up going way wrong, but…God, Krissa.” He rubbed his face, not sure what to say, how much to tell her.
“You still haven’t really told me why you came.”
She watched him quietly, waiting.
“I…did tell you. I just heard you and Derek split up.”
“Yeah. But why did you come?”
She was pushing him. Amazing. “I’m not sure, actually. I wanted to make sure you were okay, I guess.”
“That’s it?”
He stared at her, shaking inside. “No, that’s not it. I had to see you Krissa. Christ, I’ve missed you.”
“Oh.” The word was a breath. “I missed you too.”
Their gazes connected and held for a long, stretched out moment. “I had to see you, Krissa. I was worried about you, and I missed you and…”
She waited.
“I wanted to tell you.”
A frown tugged her brows down.
“About Derek and Lauren. When I found out that night. I wanted to tell you. I wanted you to know what he’d done, that he was a goddamn dirtbag. I wanted you to hate him. I wanted you to leave him.”
She stared at him, wide-eyed, and blinked.
“But I couldn’t.” He closed his eyes briefly. “I couldn’t do it. You were married to him. You loved the guy.” The words stuck in his tight throat. “So I left. If I’d told you that, I would have been destroying your marriage.”
“Youwouldn’t have destroyed my marriage.Derekdid that.”
They looked into each other’s eyes, a look full of tortured emotion and questions. “I’m sorry. I just couldn’t do it. I thought you loved him. But I…”
She waited.
He swallowed hard. “I loved you too.”
“Oh.” Her eyes grew glossy. “Oh, Nate.” Her mouth trembled and she put a hand to his cheek. He closed his eyes. It was okay if she didn’t love him back.
He swallowed past the baseball in his throat. “That’s where our whole crazy plan went wrong. I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with you.”
“No. That wasn’t supposed to happen.” Her voice was a sigh. “But I fell in love with you too, Nate.”
He opened his eyes, uncertain of what he’d heard.
“I knew I loved you, but I was so confused. I was married and I loved my husband. I thought I loved both of you. But now I know my feelings for Derek had changed.” She blinked at him, mouth quivering. “I can’t tell you how much I resented him for how he judged me all those years, how he blamed me for things that weren’t even my fault, how he blamed me for his stupid mistakes. Being apart from you all these months, thinking about you all the time…I missed you so much. I thought I’d get over you, eventually. Or maybe not.” She smiled crookedly.
