“What?” She grabbed his shirt in her fist and yanked. “What? Tell me! Tell me now!”
“No! Jesus, Krissa, let it go, it was a long time ago and she’s dead, for God’s sake!”
Krissa released her grip on his shirt and sat back. “She’s…dead?”
Her mind immediately connected several dots and had a picture. Two years ago. Her suspicions about an affair. Lauren’s funeral. How Derek had remained beside her coffin after everyone else had left. The desolation on his face. At the time, the extent of his grief had surprised her—but everyone had been upset about Lauren’s death.
She covered her mouth with her hands, staring at him. “Oh my God, Derek. Did you have an affair with Lauren?”
He stared back at her. “Why would you think that?” But his gaze shifted away.
“ItwasLauren. I can’t believe you.” She moved away from him, shaking her head. Her breath stuck in her throat. “Oh, dear God. It was you.”
He said nothing, stood and walked to the doors overlooking the dark ocean, his back to her.
Not only had he betrayed her, he’d betrayed his best friend.
“Is that why Nate left?”
He nodded, shoulders hunched.
“I can’t believe you told him.”
“I didn’t mean to. I never meant for him to know. Lauren wanted to leave him, wanted me to leave you, but she was killed in that car accident…so I never would have told Nate.”
“Were you going to leave me?” Pain sliced over her body, cutting her open. She pressed her fingertips to her mouth.
He turned. “I don’t know.” Then, “No. I love you, Krissa. I didn’t want to leave you. She was just lonely and pissed off at Nate for leaving her alone for so long.”
“Dear sweet God.”
Her mind reeled again. Could she take any more of this? The shock and pain of these confessions sapped her strength and crippled her ability to function.
“How could you do that to him?” she whispered through her fingers, not sure if he could even hear her, but then, she didn’t expect an answer. “How could I have loved you?”
“Krissa. God, Krissa.” His voice was thick and across the room she saw the glimmer of tears on his face from the moonlight shining in the glass doors. “If it wasn’t for this whole obsession with having a baby, none of this would have happened.”
She let his words sink into her. And then…something broke inside her. Something snapped, emotion welled up inside her fierce and hot, her control ripped away. She hated conflict, hated fighting. She’d accepted the blame for everything that had gone wrong for years. For her whole life, in fact.
She was done with that. She wasn’t going to take the blame any more.
“Shut up.”
He stared back at her. She, too, rose to her feet and wrapped her arms around her waist.
“This is not my fault. You cheated on me with Lauren before any of that even started. You probably cheated before that and more times than I even know. I don’t care. You can tell me it was all my fault—that I made you feel less of a man.” Her tone scathed and she narrowed her eyes at him. “But you only felt the man you really are—a weak man, trying to blame someone else for your problems. For your sins. I never blamed you. I don’t know why you felt like that.I blamed myself.” She took a breath.
“I knew we weren’t totally together on wanting a baby. I know I wanted it more than you did. And I’m sorry more than you can know that I pushed you so hard for that.” She stopped, tears flowing now. She wiped her hands across her cheeks. “I can’t believe I loved you and lived with you all these years and didn’t even know you.”
“Krissa…”
“No.” She choked on a sob, sucked in a shaky breath. “I’m done. I hate you for judging me the way you did. I just wish I’d had the guts to tell you that sooner. I tried so hard to do what you wanted. To be what you wanted. And I hate you for making me feel like I never could.”
She heard a low rough sound that might have been a sobfrom Derek, and even though it hurt her, she kept going. “We’re done. I’m leaving.”
“No.”
“You can’t think we can still have a life together after all this?”
