“It’s not supposed to fun. Or enjoyable. Or…hot.”
He put a hand on her cheek, cupped her face. She staredup at him.
“So, just tell me when and I’ll be there to do my duty.” He gave her his back and walked out. She stood there, a trembling mass of ragged nerves and aching yearning. She touched her lips as Nate walked away.
She sank onto a chair, sat there for a long time, eyes closed. What was she doing? She’d been acting strange ever since Derek proposed this crazy idea. She wanted it. She wanted Nate. She wanted the baby he could give her. But at what cost?
She stood up on shaky legs and went downstairs. Derek was running on the treadmill. Sweat glistened on his face.
“Are you sure you want to do this?”
He didn’t need to ask what she meant. “Why? Aren’t you?”
She hesitated. She had a hundred questions chasing each other through her mind but was almost afraid to ask them. Maybe she was afraid of the answers.
“You know I’ll do it if you want.” Of course he knew that. Their whole life was like that.
“But…?”
She shook her head. “I just want to make sure you’re okay with it. Because…you’re the one who…Derek, I’ll be having sex with another man.”
“I know, Krissa.” Derek’s feet pounded on the rubber mat of the treadmill in a solid rhythm. He swiped a hand across his forehead. Krissa sucked on her bottom lip, watched him run.
“Okay.”
She could have asked more questions, told Derek all her fears, but he clearly didn’t want to hear them. Fine.
That evening when she tested her urine, it showed a surge in her luteinizing hormone. She would ovulate in the next twenty-four to thirty-six hours.
Without thinking about it, she went first to find Nate. He sat in his dimly lit bedroom reading a book.
“Isn’t it hard to read in the dark?” She leaned on the door frame of his room. He’d spread his things out aroundit, making it look completely different than the bare extra bedroom it had been before he’d arrived. She could even smell the difference—Nate’s musky after shave and his own unique scent. They’d bought the house with five bedrooms, anticipating the family they would eventually have.
“Yeah.” He closed the book. “But I’m bored out of my fucking mind and the only way I can read is if the light isn’t too bright.”
“I’m sorry.”
“What are you sorry about?”
She sighed, stepped further into the room. “I’m sorry you’re going through this.”
He rubbed his eyes. Without his dark glasses he looked different. She’d gotten so used to seeing him with them on all the time. Without them, he looked…vulnerable. Her heart squeezed. She desperately wished there was something she could do to make it better for him. Instead, all she was doing was complicating his life.
“It’s not your fault.”
“I know. I just feel bad.” Silence expanded between them. “I…uh…came to tell you that I’ll be ovulating in twenty-four hours.”
“Ah. Okay.”
“So, tomorrow night.”
“Yeah.” He shook his head. “It makes it weird, doesn’t it? When you have to plan it down to the minute?”
She nodded slowly. “Oh, yeah. You have no idea. We’ve been doing this for years.”
“Christ.”
She lifted her shoulders.
