“Yeah, I know. Look, don’t make a decision right away. Think about it. Talk to Krissa about it, if you want. You know how much she wants this.”
“Does she know…you’re asking me this?”
“Yeah.” Derek smiled crookedly. “This was her idea.”
“Oh.” Nate shook his head, rubbed a hand over his mouth. “Okay.”
Krissa’s idea. She wanted this.
“But you’re okay with it?” Nate eyed Derek.
“Yeah, actually. I am. I thought about it and she’s right. I don’t want an anonymous donor. I want someone I know. I don’t have any brothers, so who else would it be?”
It touched Nate that they would think of him, but the whole idea scared the hell out of him. “What all is involved?”
“Hell if I know. Krissa’s the one who’s done all the research. She’d know. Talk to her tomorrow. After you think about it. Just…” Derek hesitated. “Don’t say no too quickly, Nate. She wants this so bad. It’s putting a strain on our marriage—has been for months. You’d be doing more than just helping us…you’d be saving us.”
Nate’s gut clenched. “No pressure, huh.”
Derek grinned. “Sorry. I really did not want to pressure you.”
“What if I say no? You gonna kick me out?”
“Christ, no!”
“You won’t be mad?”
Derek sighed. “Well, I can’t say I won’t be disappointed. And I can’t speak for Krissa. I warned her not to get her hopes up, because it’s your decision and you can say no. Absolutely. But I hope she wouldn’t hold it against you.”
Nate nodded. “I’ll think about it.”
Derek sagged with relief. “Oh, God. Thanks, man. That’s all we ask right now.”
Nate stood. “I think I’ll go turn in. Not that I’m likely gonna be able to sleep.”
Derek stood too. “Okay.”
Nate went upstairs to his room, past the closed door of Derek and Krissa’s bedroom. He’d heard the water running earlier, knew she was in there naked in the tub. Probably sick with worry and fear about the conversation they’d just been having.
Well, no more so than him. He couldn’t stop the string of curse words that ran through his head. This was so outrageous, he wasn’t sure if he’d ever been more dumfounded.
He threw himself down onto his bed, tossed the hated sunglasses aside in the dark room. Okay, yeah, there’d been times in his life when he’d been just as stunned. The day his wife had died. There wasn’t much that could compare to the shock, horror and disbelief of something like that. This was big, but not like that. Not life-altering.
Or when he’d found out his wife had been having an affair. Also an event that had changed him forever. Destroyed his trust, the love he’d had for his wife. Then of course he’d felt guilty, because she was dead. And he’d never gotten to ask her the one question that was left hanging over his head…
Who was the father of her baby?
But even if she’d still been alive, she couldn’t have answered that question, because according to her journal, she didn’t even know. Fuck.
His chest tightened and his eyes ached at the memories. Why was he reliving this now? He’d done his best to run and hide from the pain. Now it was back, biting him on the ass.
He got up and paced around the bedroom, adrenaline flooding his bloodstream and making him unable to lay still.
He could donate sperm. It was no big deal. He wasn’t ever likely going to have kids of his own, and even if he did meet someone someday…he shivered. Even if he did marry and have children, what difference would it make?
People donated sperm all the time. That’s how sperm banksexisted. He’d go into some clinic, jack off into a cup, and be done. He’d take off as soon as his sight came back, leaving behind a happy couple with their marriage saved.
Fuck off,he thought. Having babies doesn’t ever save a marriage if it’s in trouble. If Derek and Krissa thought this was the way to fix their problems, they needed to get over that pretty fucking quick.
