“Well, they might give me some feedback.”
“What if you quit hockey?”
“Yikes.” Silence. “I don’t think they’d disown me.”
Gray’s view of things is clearly different than mine. But his personality is different. He’s level-headed, responsible, dependable. I need to think about this.
When I picked up my guitar and played it at the inn in Afton, I experienced that feeling of everything else falling away. When I focus on music, I leave all my problems behind. It’s almost like a form of meditation, and it’s why I’ve always found sanctuary from the world in music.
And I’ve been missing that. I really have.
My thoughts are interrupted by an incoming phone call. It’s my mom. I talk to her and Dad regularly but now they want to come see me.
“I’m not at my place,” I tell them. “I’m staying with a friend.”
“What friend? Where?”
“You don’t know him.”
“Him?”
I hear the unspoken questions vibrating. “Yes, him. I’m in Hoboken.”
“We’ll come there,” Mom says.
“You can’t come here.” Wow, that sounds rude.
“Why not?”
“I don’t… I don’t know.” The truth is, Marek’s leaving on a road trip tomorrow and he’ll be gone most of three days. He won’t even know they’ve been here. And he probably wouldn’t mind anyway; it’s me who feels weird about this. “Okay, fine. Come here. Saturday’s best.”
“What’s the address?”
I give it to her and end the call.
Great.
No. It’s fine. My parents love me. Why am I anxious about seeing them?
Because I don’t want to disappoint them, my inner child reminds me. Because I’m afraid Ihavedisappointed them.
Right.
Gray doesn’t seem to have this same hang-up.
Well, I have a couple of days to prepare myself.
The team leaves Friday afternoon, but their game in Salt Lake City isn’t until Saturday night, so Mabel invites me to hang out with her friends Friday night. She suggested going out for dinner and drinks somewhere, but I’m still hesitant to show my face in public or be anywhere there’s a crowd, so I politely declined, but she arranged for her friends to go over to her place so now I’m in, and we’re going to make pizzas and drink cocktails.
I’m nervous about meeting her friends. It’s been literally weeks since I interacted with people other than Marek and Mabel and Ben. Am I ready for this? What do I think is going to happen, though? They probably won’t make me talk about the tragedy in Berlin. They won’t make me sing. Will they act weird and awkward around me? Or, more likely, will I act weird and awkward around them?
Yeah, that’s what I’m worried about.
Deep breath, girl.You got this.
I can’t hide from the world forever. This is a low-key way to connect with people.
Mabel’s friends turn out to be amazing, though, which I should have known, because Mabel’s pretty cool. And that relaxes me so I’m not an absolute goober.
