But nothing has changed. I still don’t have capacity for him in my life. In fact, it’s even worse now, because I’m shattered by the accident. I don’t have the capacity foranything. I just know I need to get my structured life back together or I’ll fall apart like a wet cardboard box.
11
MAREK
I have no patience for the elevator, so I take the stairs; I’m only on the third floor. I jog down one flight, grinding my back molars together.
I’m pissed.
I pause on a landing and take a breath. First, I vowed that I’m over her. Then that disaster happened and I was sick with worry. I finally got to see her, to make sure she’s okay, and she sort of is… so I should be good.
I’m not good. I’m fucked up.
She’s not really good either. I can see it. I didn’t want to leave her and I’m still worried about her. I still feel a connection with her. But obviously she doesn’t.
I’ve never had to work hard with women. They’re usually there, interested, willing. I’m not about to force myself on a woman now. It’s for the best. I’m better off unattached. I’ve always known that.
I continue down the stairs at a slower pace and exit into the foyer of the building. I nod to the doorman and stride past him. But I lurch to a halt at the exterior doors.
A bunch of people are gathered outside on the sidewalk and across the narrow street. Many of them are holding cameras. What the fuck?
As an NHL player, this has happened to me a few times, but it’s not typical. And nobody knows I’m here. They must be waiting for Nikki.
Fuck that.
I spin around and stomp back to the stairwell. I pause. “How long have they been out there?” I ask the doorman with a jerk of my head.
He eyes me uncertainly. “They’ve been there on and off for days.”
Huh. Somehow I missed that when I got here.
I take the stairs up two at a time and rap on the door of 3C.
It opens seconds later to reveal a bewildered Nikki. “Hi?”
I give her a grim smile and push past her into her apartment. I stride to the living room windows that overlook the street.
“What are you doing?” she asks from behind me.
I gesture at her to come closer, then point down. “A bunch of paparazzi.”
She leans closer and peers out. “Shit.” She turns and her face is so close to mine I can see the gold sparkles in her eyes. “Are they looking for me?”
“No, they’re looking for the Easter Bunny. Have you been crying again?”
“No.”
I heave a sigh and move to the middle of the room. I tip my head back and stare at the white beams that cross the ceiling. “Okay. I’m not leaving after all.”
“Marek! You have to go to practice!”
“Yeah.” Thatisa problem.
She throws up her hands. “What do you think you’re going to do here, anyway?”
“Keep you safe.”
“You can’t stay here twenty-four seven.”
