Relief passes over her features and she fills her parents in on more details, then says, “They weren’t too impressed at first about the move. In the end, I had to tell them I’m doing it whether they’re with me or not.”
Elizabeth’s gaze slides over to me. “Is this because of Marek?”
Nikki turns to look at me, then faces her parents. “Yes.”
“I knew it!” Elizabeth smiles. “Why else would you have been staying in his apartment? And why else would you bring him here to meet us?”
Nikki smiles, too.
Jack isn’t smiling. The stare he’s giving me could shrivel my nads. Jesus. That sweat breaks out under my arms again in a prickly heat.
“Well,” he says. “I look forward to getting to know you better.”
He looks like he’s looking forward to breaking my kneecaps.
I stretch my face into a smile. “Likewise, sir.”
This begins the interrogation. I’m bombarded with questions about hockey, my career, and my family. Nikki reaches for my hand and holds it while we talk, jumping in occasionally, and I slowly relax. They seem like good people who love their kids and want the best for them.
“Grayson’s mad that he couldn’t make it today,” Elizabeth says. “But school is almost done and once he’s finished exams he’s coming home for a visit.”
“Speaking of Gray,” Nikki says. “There’s something else I wanted to talk to you about.”
Elizabeth’s eyebrows pull together. “What is it?”
“You know I’ve been going for therapy,” Nikki says. “And my therapist brought up the possibility that I have wounds from my childhood that were keeping me from being able to deal with the accident.”
“Wounds from your childhood?” Elizabeth’s eyebrows leap upward. “What kind of wounds?”
Nikki pulls her bottom lip between her teeth. “Well.” She clears her throat. “You told me I would never be a success in music unless I learned to focus. Unless I learned to be more disciplined and less impulsive. And I thought that if I didn’t succeed, I’d be letting you down.”
Elizabeth makes a noise in her throat, and Jack’s eyebrows pull down in puzzlement.
“But then…” Nikki’s tongue slides over her lip. “I talked to Gray and I asked him if he felt that way and he didn’t. I mean, he thinks you’d be disappointed if he doesn’t play well, but he said you don’t hassle him about when it happens.”
“Hassle him? Good heavens, no.”
“But… I always felt like I had to please you.”
Elizabeth’s brown eyes go wide. Jack’s eyebrows tug together. “What do you mean by that?”
She tells them how she felt growing up, the things that hurt her at school, or with friends, and how she felt when her parents lectured her about discipline and planning and not being impulsive. “But then when I talked to Gray about it, and he said you don’t do that to him, I realized that he has a different personality and that you probably never had to be on him all the time to stay organized.”
“We had other things we had to be on him about,” Jack says dryly. “You’re right, you two are very different.”
“That’s a parent’s job,” Elizabeth adds. “To help their kids be their best selves. But…” Her eyes shadow. “It wasn’t supposed to hurt you.”
“I never thought you meant to hurt me,” Nikki says quickly. “I know your intentions were good. But it… affected me. I tried so hard to be perfect all the time. And I’ve learned that apparently perfectionism is a response to believing you have to please others. Also, I got so much praise for my voice, I felt like that was what made me worth something. Like the rest of me didn’t matter.”
“Ohhh.” Elizabeth gazes at Nikki, her eyes shiny. She covers her mouth with her hands, glancing at Jack. “Oh, sweetheart. I wish I’d known this.”
Nikki nods. “I know. I wish I’d talked to you about it.”
“We can talk about it now.” Elizabeth brushes a hand over one eye.
Maybe I shouldn’t be here for this family talk. But Nikki is still gripping my hand like she never wants to let go and there’s no way I won’t be here if she wants me to.
“After the concert disaster, I felt guilty about what happened,” she tells them. “I felt responsible. That was so far from perfect.”
