Her eyes go glossy.
“I have never wanted anything as much as I want you.” I hold her gaze steadily. “Nothing.”
Her eyelids lower and a silvery tear slides down her cheek. “I’m so… I’m so afraid to be happy.”
My heart contracts. “Aw, Nik.” I move over her and kiss her mouth. “Please, be happy.”
“I am. I’m working on it. You make me happy.”
“Maybe I haven’t taken life seriously enough. But having fun is important. And I have more fun with you than any other person.”
Her smile is quivery. “Me too.”
“See?” I kiss her again. “We were made for each other. We both like hockey. We have matching tattoos. We have fun together.” One more kiss. “And my dick fits perfectly in your pussy.”
She sobs out a laugh and hugs me. “God, you make me laugh. And you’re right—lifeisshort. We do have to make the most of it.”
31
NIKKI
Saying goodbye to Marek is hard, but also not hard because I know I’m going to see him again. It’ll be as fast as I can take care of everything I need to here and move myself to New York.
The first thing to do is tell my team.
Given that they have no idea I’ve been involved with a man, they’re going to be a little surprised. But I’m sure they’ll be happy for me. It’ll mean some adjustments, but we’ll make it work.
I start with a phone call to Blake.
He listens silently as I tell him about Marek and moving to New York permanently. When I wind down, he stays silent for a beat, then quietly says, “Are you out of your mind?”
My chin jerks down. “Excuse me?”
“We’re all here in L.A.,” he says. “You being in New York all the time would totally complicate things.”
I’m taken aback at his response. “We can figure it out. I’ll come to L.A. when I have to.”
“Does Harper know about this?”
“Not yet. I’m calling her next.”
“We should all meet. Fuck. My schedule is crazy this week.” I hear him clicking on his keyboard. “I’ll get Jada to schedule us. We might have to move some things around.”
“Okay. Sure.” A meeting is fine. We can all discuss how this will work.
I set a hand to my abdomen when the call ends, a hard pulse in the pit of my stomach. I don’t like how that went and I have an uneasy feeling that the meeting isn’t going to be better.
In the meantime, there’s a lot to do. I sit down at my computer to make a spreadsheet. So many things to think about. I won’t sell this place; I’ll need somewhere to stay when I come back. I do love my little house. I look around it a bit wistfully. But I love New York, too, and… Marek’s there.
I think about the things we’ll have to adjust so I’m prepared for the meeting, making some notes and checking things online.
Some of the adjustments are going to be big. Not so much for me, but for my band and my dancers. What if… I have to find new musicians? My career was on an upward trajectory before the concert catastrophe, but I’m not a big name by any means.
I start to feel overwhelmed, so I change into shorts and a tank and my running shoes and go out for a run through the neighborhood. I’ve gotten back to running and working out since I’ve been back in California, which was hard but also made me feel so much better. I jog past houses and reddish dirt hills stippled with chaparral, some covered with erosion control blankets to keep the earth from washing away when it rains, past spiky yuccas and bright bougainvillea growing over walls. The inclines here are a killer and I’m soon sweating in the sunshine as I run along the wooded canyon behind my place overlooking the hills below and above me.
I let my thoughts go while I run, focusing on my breathing and my steps, and when I make a loop and get back to my house, I feel calmer. I shower, change, then go pick up a pizza from my favorite place down on Sunset Boulevard. Then I’m ready to watch Marek’s game.
Yes, I’ve been watching all his games since I left.
