I let out a strangled laugh. “Good to know.”
He kisses me again, long and sweet and worshipful, then says, “I went to the hospital.”
I blink at him. Then… “Oh. To see a sick child?”
“Yeah. He’s five and he has cancer.”
“Oh, no.” My heart stutters. “Were you okay?”
“Fuck, yeah. Seeing a little kid fighting cancer? Phhht.Iwas fine. I was ashamed for not wanting to do it. I wanted to do it for you. To be brave. Like you. Like Will.”
“Youarebrave. You went through hell. You cover it up with all that cocky charm and confidence and laughter, but underneath I know what you’ve been through.”
He sighs. “Apparently I’m also spoiled.”
I recoil. “Wow. Mabel wasn’t holding back.” I frown. “I don’t think I agree with that one.”
“She says everything comes easy for me. And after the accident, my parents were so relieved I didn’t die, they spoiled me rotten. Maybe they did. Maybe things were too easy for me. I thought about what you said, that nothing of value comes quickly. I thought about how hard you’ve worked to get where you are. And maybe I did give up too easily when you were leaving, but now I’m gonna work harder. Because you are so valuable to me. So important. I’ll work hard every day to earn your love.”
My lips tremble. “I want to apologize to you.”
“For what?”
“For not being honest with you. Except, I didn’t really realize at the time what was going on in my head. I truly didn’t think we could be together. Well, first because I didn’t think you wanted any kind of commitment; but after the accident in Berlin, I… well, you know I felt responsible for that.”
“Yeah…”
“And I got it in my head that because I survived and those other people didn’t, I didn’t deserve to be happy.” My throat squeezes and I bow my head, because I’m still working on getting past that. “I felt like I didn’t deserve for anything good to happen to me. I didn’t deserve my career anymore. I didn’t deserve you. So I left.”
He closes his eyes, brackets etched around his mouth. “Nikki.”
“I’m working on that,” I tell him.
“Everyone deserves to be happy.”
“That’s what Eve said. But also… I think I learned that from you. Maybe life isn’tallfun and games, but happiness is important. I have fun with you. You make me happy.”
He nods. “That’s my mission in life. Make Nikki happy.”
My smile is shaky. “Me, too. I mean, you. I want to make you happy.”
“So you sent Mabel that song as a message to me.”
“Yes. But not just to you.” I pause. “I sent it to the whole world.”
His mouth softens and his throat works as he gazes back at me.
“If you didn’t understand it, I would have come back to New Jersey to smack it into your head.”
“Ouch. Violent.”
“Where did you get theSay Anythingidea?” I smile at his recreating the scene from that movie.
“Google.”
A laugh springs from me. “Okay.”
“If the music didn’t get you out of your house, I also recorded a screech owl. So funny, it sounds just like a witch ghost.”
