“No!” I nearly shout the word. I suck air into my lungs and let it out. “She needed to move on with her life.”
“Because her parents shamed her into it.”
My mouth hangs open again. “Her parents?”
“They came to see her. When you were on a road trip. Okay, it was the day before she left.”
“She didn’t tell me that,” I say slowly.
“She didn’t?” Mabels forehead creases. “Really?”
“Really.” I jerk my head to one side.
“Hmmm. Okay. Anyway, I guess they wanted to know how she was doing, but they put the pressure on her because she wasn’t doing anything.”
“She was recovering from a fucking catastrophe,” I snap.
“I know that,” she says. “We all know that. But they thought she should be right back working. And she felt guilty for letting them down and she decided she needed to go back to L.A. and try to get her life back together.”
“She was all packed up when I got back from the trip.”
Mabel sighs and her eyes turn sympathetic.
“I did try. I told her I didn’t want her to go. I told her I want a real relationship with her. And yeah, she said she’d see how things went.” I scowl. “That wasn’t enough for me. I spent basically a whole year miserable as fuck hoping she’d eventually want to see me again. After the All Star game I thought we’d get together again, at some point. It never happened. She told me…” I search back through my memories for what she’d said. “She was too busy, basically.”
“I think you could have tried harder when she left to go back to Los Angeles.”
“I did try,” I say again, even though deep down inside I know she’s right. I didn’t try very hard. “She already rejected me once.” I make a face. “Actually, twice. I didn’t want to get kicked in the nuts again.”
Mabel drops her head forward. Benny reaches out and rubs her back. Like she’s the one who needs comforting right now. Jesus. She sits like that for a moment. “Okay, I get that. I get trying to protect yourself. But when you try to protect yourself, sometimes you end up hurting people you love.”
I make a dismissive noise.
“Seriously,” she says. “Remember I didn’t want anyone to know about how Julian was treating me. I didn’t want you all to see me as weak and helpless.”
I stare at her.
“I didn’t realize at the time that I was robbing you all of the chance to help me. You were mad at me for that.”
Shit. I exhale heavily. She’s not wrong. “I… don’t think I hurt her.”
“Oh my God. Did you listen to that song? It’s about you. It’s about how much she wanted you even though she thought you couldn’t be together.”
“Now she realizes it,” I mutter.
“No. She wrote that songlast year.”
I stiffen. “No.”
“Yes. It was going to be part of her album, but she left it out because it felt too personal.”
The apartment does a slow spin around me. I close my eyes against the dizziness. The disorientation.
“She loves you,” Mabel says again.
Can that be true? She wrote that song last year? When she was too busy to answer my texts? “Then why is she there and I’m here? Then why didn’t she tell me that? What are we even doing?”
“Is she worth working for?” Mabel pins me with a hard stare. “Or not?”
