Iama monster, but if that’s what I need to be to protect others from the real predators out there, I’ll be the most monstrous being they’ve ever seen.
“Thanks, Stella,” I hold up the blanket and pillow, “for this.” And for everything else, but I don’t say that. Can’t admit that I needed a friend besides the drunk passed out on the office couch.
“You’re welcome. But if Skyler pukes, you’re on your own.”
Chapter 15
100% Done
BRIGIT
Going to Mingle was a terrible idea.
Well, I mean, it wasn’t my idea at all.
I didn’t have a choice whether or not I went. Not with the threat of more unexpected visits hanging over my head.
Nothing has been my idea where Cormac is involved. Every moment we’ve spent together has been against my will.
Hasn’t it?
I shake my head, burying it back under my pillow, debating whether or not I’ll venture out into the world today. I’m not sure I can face it after what happened Friday night.
No one knows what I did. Nobody in my life has any clue what I get up to on my few unscheduled nights. But there’s still some crawling suspicion in my chest that the second I face another person, they’re somehow going to see it on my face, in big bold letters,BÁS DORCHA FINGER FUCKED ME IN AN UNDERGROUND FIGHT RING! THE CRIMINAL KNOWN LITERALLY AS DARK DEATH MADE MECOME HARDER THAN ANYONE ELSE HAS EVER BEEN ABLE TO. I GUSHED ON HIS HAND WHILE WE WATCHED HIS FRIEND BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF SOMEONE.
And, begrudgingly, some twisted part of me liked it; The gentle, taunting way the knife glided across my thigh, his throaty groans in my ear, and his filthy mouth that sent me soaring across the sky.
I’m terrified of him; there’s no denying that. He’s admitted to killing people in horrific ways. This is a dangerous man, running a crime ring right under our noses. He’s proven he doesn’t care about silly things like locked doors or breaking and entering.
But the fear adds to his appeal rather than diminishing it. And I don’t think I’m ready to dive into what that might say about me.
I just need to be rid of him, be rid of these confusing feelings and thoughts.
Aside from the obvious danger he puts me in, being around him just reminds me of when I met him before. That time in my life is a dark cloud hanging over me, even at the best of times. When something brings up the memories, it’s nearly impossible to climb out of the pit it leaves me in.
What happened with Ian usually only comes back to really torment me every few months. But being bombarded with reminders of it in the form of a man who even back then was smitten with me fills me with something akin to regret.
Maybe if I had just opened my eyes, if I had—no.There’s no point in what-ifs and maybe’s.
It happened. I’ve spent years recovering and growing to where the flashbacks rarely rear their ugly head.
Lying here any longer will only invite the memories to move back in. Being idle never does me any favors.
With a groan, I throw myself out of bed, determined to face the day even if it takes every ounce of my energy to do so.
A Sunday with nothing I necessarily need to do means I can get ahead on what I’ll have to do this week.
Still in pajamas, I settle in at my kitchen table, opening up my laptop to look through the meetings coming up.
A property walkthrough tomorrow, three meetings on Tuesday, and a lot of contracts need to be written up.
I need more details on a few of them, and in my first year at this job, I would have reached out immediately.
But most people like to enjoy their weekends without work, and they’ve made that perfectly clear, so now, I take a different approach.
Queuing up the emails I need to send, I schedule them out to first thing tomorrow morning, letting me feel like I accomplished something without inconveniencing anyone else.
Sitting in the silence of my apartment, my skin begins to crawl.
