He wrote me a letter, begging me to find a path that would lead me towards good. To only fight when it means I’m standing up for what is right.
And, at the end of it, he asked that I forgive him.
The day after I received the letter, I found out he hanged himself in his office.
The false accusations and the bankruptcy brought him too much shame, and he couldn’t live with it.
I blamed my father for all of it, but no one believed me.
I carried the burden of his death and lost myself.
Any wrong move by anyone, and I was taking it out on them with my fists, again.
Getting expelled and being forced to restart my senior year was nearly my final straw. I couldn’t handle it.
I planned to leave a note for the administrators, like the one my sensei left me.
Except I wanted them to know exactly how their lack of action killed one of their students. I wanted them to know I blamed them.
Then I saw the new girl standing at the bus stop, shivering in the early light of dawn, and I forgot briefly why I was so angry.
I worried about her being cold, and she made me laugh.
Looking at her, I knew there wasn’t evil in every single person because she was good. She was a beacon of light when all the paths in my future were utterly dark.
So I went home, crumpling my final ‘fuck you’ up and set it on fire in the sink. I watched it burn until it turned to ash, and washed it down the drain.
Then I went to my room and dug my box of reminders out from under my bed. My martial arts trophies. My black belt. And, my Noble Paths Karate sweatshirt.
I never intended to wear it again. It was two sizes too small, and the words were mostly gone, but I knew when I held it up that it no longer belonged to me. I didn’t need it as a reminder of all the lessons I learned.
I needed it to guide me towards the future I wanted.
Olive was everything to me. She was the only person who wept for me when she saw the monster that I lived with.
She was the only one who cared.
Then I lost her, and the desire to end it all never felt heavier.
I nearly never saw outside of those prison walls again.
I had to remind myself every day that I needed to live.
Now, I have a particular desire to drive off a bridge. Not because I want to die, but because life can’t get any better than this.
I finally have Liv back. Not completely, not enough, but I have her back in my life. She has her arms wrapped around my waist, and I can feel the warmth of her cheek against my back.
This could be the best I’ll ever have.
But I’ll keep living for her.
It’s the only reason I’ve ever had.
Chapter Nineteen
Liv
The power of the engine vibrates my skin, penetrating through muscle into my bones. The sharp wind swipes at my face and tousles the ends of my hair against my back.
