I swallow hard, my throat dry, as shame climbs up my neck and makes my skin tighten.“Don’t say anything about this to Noah,” I mumble.“Please, Aubrey.I know you two share everything, but I’m asking you.Don’t tell anyone.”
She glances at me.
“I just—” My voice wobbles before I can stop it.“I thought I wouldn’t feel this stupid.That maybe I wouldn’t just be another girl he fucked.”
The words come out tasting terrible.Too honest.Too raw.
We start walking again, weaving through the bodies clogging the hallway, lockers slamming, voices bouncing around us like none of this matters, like my chest isn’t caving in on itself.
“I won’t say anything,” Aubrey says firmly.“I promise.”
She looks at me.“Are you okay?”
I don’t even bother pretending.“No.”
The truth feels heavy and bitter on my tongue, so I let it sit there because lying would hurt more.
“You know, I thought that if I gave away that part of myself,” I say quietly, “it’d be to someone who—”
“Deserved it?”Aubrey finishes.
I nod, my throat tightening.
She exhales, looping her arm through mine to ground me when my feet feel a little too light.“It meant more to you than it did to him.”
“I knew that going in,” I say.“I know who he is.”
We slow down near the courtyard, sunlight spilling across the concrete, voices drifting from outside.Lola’s coming toward us, unmistakable even from a distance, full of her energy, opinions, and zero subtlety.
“I hate him,” I mutter, the words bitter.
“You don’t.”
“I want to.”
“Wanting and doing are two very different things,” Aubrey says, squeezing my arm.
I swallow, watching Lola get closer, knowing Aubrey’s right and hating her a little for it.
Wanting him is easy.It’s the walking away that is the part I don’t know how to do anymore.
Lola barrels toward us, ponytail swinging, phone already in her hand as if she’s mid-broadcast.“You will not guess what happened to me this morning,” she announces, eyes bright, grin feral.“My coffee betrayed me, my bus driver hates joy, and my skirt blew up.I’m ninety percent sure I flashed Mr Carver as he got out of his car.”
She stops.
Her grin flickers as she surveys us.Me with my jaw clenched.Aubrey too silent.The atmosphere all off.
“Oh,” Lola says, lowering her phone.“Never mind.Read the room, Lola.What’s wrong?”
I sense it then.The weight of it.The moment when, if I open my mouth, everything spills out and I fall apart in front of everyone.
“Sam.”Her tone softens completely.“What’s going on?”
I swallow and shake my head.“Nothing.I just need to go to the bathroom before first period.”
I don’t wait around for an argument.
I turn and walk, quickening my pace, eyes fixed ahead.I push through the crowd, past the laughter and the usual hum of a morning that doesn’t pay attention to me.
