Lola’s lips twitch.
Aubrey just stares at me.
“Stressed,” Lola repeats.
“Yes, I had a lot going on,” I snap, even though my heart’s pounding.“And it was brief.And stupid.And I didn’t enjoy it.”
The silence that comes afterward is deafening.
They both stare at me as if I’ve totally lost it and are waiting for me to finally tip over into madness.
I probably have.Because even now, with my face burning and my pride in shambles, all I can see is him smirking with me against the locker, hearing his voice in my ear, and all I can think is how badly I wish I’d hit him harder.
Aubrey tilts her head, studying me the way she does when she’s piecing something together.“At first,” she says.“I wondered what the hell was going on with you guys.Why he calls you Red like it’s his favorite word.”Her mouth twists.“As if it actually means something.”
“It doesn’t mean anything,” I mumble, eyes dropping to my workbook.I pick at the corner until it starts to bend, then bend it some more.
“It kinda does,” Lola sings, way too cheerful for where this is headed.“The way he looks at you—”
I whip my head toward her so quickly that my neck twinges.“Don’t.”
She ignores me.Of course she does.
Lola turns to Aubrey instead, smile bright, voice light, completely fucking oblivious to the grenade she’s about to toss.“Reece was her first kiss.”
Aubrey’s eyes widen.“Wait.”She blinks, then blinks again.“Reece was your first kiss?”
“Lola,” I grind out, heat rushing to my face, my stomach dropping out from under me.I glare at her, furious and embarrassed, wishing I could undo the last ten seconds of my life.“Why would you say that?”
Aubrey gasps, her hand flying to her chest as if she’s just received the juiciest piece of gossip.“Oh my god, Sam.He was your first?”She leans in, eyes sparkling with curiosity.“You have to tell me everything.”
I let my hands fall on the desk and groan, then drag them back up to cover my face.This is my worst nightmare—public humiliation, served right before the first period of the day.
“It wasn’t a big deal,” I say into my palms, muffled and miserable.
“That’s a lie,” Lola adds, snorting softly.“Liz said you didn’t shut up about it for three weeks.”
I drag both hands down my face, palms pressing firmly, as if the sting might erase the image that flashes too easily in my mind.
“It wasn’t,” I mutter, dropping my hands and staring at the desk.“And it doesn’t matter.”My voice turns flat and defensive.“He just wants to mess with me.That’s all this is.A stupid game.”
“Sure,” Aubrey says, not buying it for a second.“But even if it is, you’re already playing.”
I open my mouth to argue, then close it again.
Lola lights up.“So tell me,” she says, leaning forward, elbows on the desk, eyes bright.“What does he taste like?I’ve always wanted to know.”She nods to herself.“I bet when he kissed you, he tasted like sour lollies and rebellion.”
Aubrey chokes on a laugh.“Jesus, Lola.”
“What?”Lola shrugs, completely unapologetic.“I want to know.”She looks between us, waiting.“Well.”
“I can’t remember,” I say quickly, eyes dropping to my books.I start rearranging them, stacking and unstacking, lining the edges up perfectly so I don’t have to look at either of them.
It’s a lie because I remember everything.
I remember how awkward it was, being too close and not close enough at the same time.The way my heart pounded so loudly I thought he’d hear it.How his mouth brushed mine first, tentative and unsure.The way I froze for half a second before kissing him back, clumsy and inexperienced.I was fourteen and believed the moment mattered more than it ever really should have.
I remember how I couldn’t stop smiling afterward, replaying it over and over in my head.
