“Until it’s done, Branna.”
She shrugged, continued to eat. “You seem a bit out of sorts. Did the meeting not go well?”
“It went well enough.”
She waited, then poked again. “Are you after buying more horses or hawks?”
“I looked at a yearling, and sealed a deal there as I liked the look of him. With Iona, we’ve drawn more students for the jumping ring. I thought to have her train this one, as he comes from a good line. If she’s willing it may be we can expand that end of things, put her in charge of it.”
Branna lifted her eyebrows. “She says she’s content with the guideds, but I think she’d be thrilled with this idea. If you’re thinking this, she must be a brilliant instructor.”
“She’s a natural, and her students love her. She’s only three young girls regular as yet, but their parents praise her to the skies. And we’ve two of those students because she started with one, and the word spread around.”
Branna nodded, continued to eat as Fin lapsed into silence.
“Will you tell me what’s troubling you?” she asked him. “I can see it, hear it, under the rest. If it’s something between us—”
“Between us we have today, as agreed.” He heard the edge in his own voice, waved the words away. “It’s nothing to do with that, with what’s between us. Cabhan’s coming into my dreams,” he told her. “Three nights running now.”
“Why haven’t you told me?”
“What’s to be done about it?” Fin countered. “He hasn’t pulled me in. I think he doesn’t want that battle and the energy it would cost him, so he slips and slithers into them, making his promises, distorting images. He showed me one of you last night.”
“Of me.”
“You were with a man with sandy hair and pale blue eyes, an American accent. Together, in a room I didn’t know, but a hotel room I’d say. And you laughing as you undressed each other.”
She gripped her hands together under the table. “His name was David Watson. It would’ve been near to five years ago now when he was in Cong. A photographer from New York City. We enjoyed each other’s company and spent two nights together before he went back to America.
“He’s not the only one Cabhan could show you. There aren’t many but more than David Watson. Have you taken no women to bed these past years, Finbar?”
Darkly green, just a bit dangerous, his eyes met hers. “There have been women. I tried to hurt none of them, and still most knew they were solace or, worse, somehow, placeholders. I never thought or expected you’d not had... someone, Branna, but it was hard to have no choice than to watch you with another man.”
“This is how he bleeds you. He doesn’t want you dead, as he hopes to merge what you have with what he has, to hold you up as son, when you’re nothing of the kind. So this is how he damages you without leaving a mark.”
“I’m already marked, or neither of us would have been with others. I know his purpose, Branna, as well as you. It doesn’t make it go down easier.”
“We can try to find what will block him out.”
Fin shook his head. “We’ve enough to do already. I’ll deal with it. And there’s something else, I can’t quite see or hear, but only feel there’s something else trying to find a way in as well.”
“Something?”
“Or someone, and I wouldn’t block without knowing. It’s like something pushing against him, trying to find room. I can’t explain it. It’s a feeling when I wake that there’s a voice just out of my hearing. So I’ll listen for it, see what it says.”
“You might do better with a good night’s sleep than listening for voices. I can’t change the last years, Fin.”
He met her eyes. “Nor can I.”
“Would it be easier on you if we weren’t together now? If we went back to working together only? If he couldn’t use me as a weapon against you, it—”
“There’s nothing harder than being without you.”
She rose, went around the table to curl in his lap. “Should I give you the names of those I’ve been with? I could add their descriptions as well, so you’ll know what to expect.”
After a long moment, he gave her hair a hard tug. “That’s a cruel and callous suggestion.”
She tipped her head back. “But it nearly made you smile. Let me help you sleep tonight, Fin.” She brushed her lips over his cheek. “You’ll do better work for it. Whatever’s trying to get in along with him can wait.”
