“Good job, love. Go get your jacket.” Karen said to Savvy before turning back to me. “Are you still in treatment?”
“Yes.” I swallowed hard.
No. I hated it.
Karen reached out and squeezed my hand. “Stay in it for as long as you need to. Anyone who saw what you did would need help. Lots of it.”
I closed my eyes, the pain seeping through the walls I’d carefully constructed. I hated lying to my sister, but it was too much to think about it all. So instead, I buried it. It was easier. I saw way more than I ever should’ve. Why would I want to relive it?
The only way to heal it is to feel it.
The words echoed in my head, ones I’d never forgotten since first seeing a therapist. But what if it was impossible to feel it? What then?
“Thanks.” I cleared my throat, forcing the impending emotions back down. I finished my cup of coffee and stood. “I’ll have her home in a few hours, okay?”
Karen nodded and stood up as well. She held her hand out for my mug and I passed it to her. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up. It’s just?—”
“It’s fine, Sis. Don’t worry about it.” I cut her off. The less we talked about my fucked-up past, the better.
Karen placed her hand on my arm. “I’m always here if you need anything.”
“Likewise.” I said before heading for the door, Savannah joining me. I smiled down at my adorable niece. The one person I could never close myself off to. “You ready?”
“Yes!”
We said our goodbyes and left for the skating rink.
I watchedmy niece skate around the ice, a group of girls around her, all of them giggling and having fun. It warmed my heart and I was glad I took her. Savvy deserved to have lots of fun and giving it to her helped soothe my battered heart.
As Savvy skated past me, I called, “Good job, Savvy!”
She smiled and waved at me.
I walked over to the bleachers and sat down, still in view of my niece and her friends.
Around and around she went, never once tiring out or slowing down. A group of boys skated up behind them and soon they were all giggling together. Oh, to be young and have crushes again.
I remembered my first crush, back in first grade, a pretty girl named Sophie. She always wore her hair in pigtails with ribbonsin them and smiled at my during recess. But then she moved and my crush was over. Until the next one.
Now, Savannah and her friends were doing tricks, the boys no longer near them but still very much watching. The girls were showing off, no doubt, but the jumps and spins were alarming. Savvy didn’t know how to skatethatwell, did she?
And then it happened in a split second.
I couldn’t have stopped it even if I saw it coming.
Savannah spun around and around with her friend, holding hands, as they skated faster and faster, until the friend let go and both girls went flying. Savannah lost control of her skates and fell, slamming down hard on the ice on her left side. Out came a howl of pain and I jumped into action, scaling the ice rink wall and sliding over to Savannah as fast as I could.
“It hurts! It hurts so bad,” Savannah cried as she rolled onto her back and clutched her arm, tears streaming down her face.
Shit!
“Okay, I’m going to lift you into my arms, gently, okay?”
Savannah nodded. I leaned down and scooped her into my arms, making sure her hurt arm was facing outwards.
“I’m taking you to the hospital.”
Her face paled. “The hospital? I want Mommy!” Savannah’s face crumpled, and the tears came harder.
