Dammit. I need to fix this. We’re all hurting, and it’s my fault.
I give her a nod and step back toward my car, feeling like I was leaving my heart behind me as I do.
Because that’s exactly what I am doing.
Chapter Thirty-Four
“Spring is the best. It’s time for a fresh start, new perspectives, and hope fills the air. Chocolate also gives me similar feelings.” – April
ELIZABETH
March is a hopeful month.
After being in the cold for months, dredging through the frozen streets and dealing with the sludge that was created by us humans, the sun finally starts shining again, and I am eyeballing my little hanging herb garden on the patio.
“How comes the gardening?” Hattie asks from the sliding door that leads into our apartment. She seems to be in much better spirits these days. Her mood is nearly always good, and I have a feeling it has something to do with a certain baseball player, though I haven’t gotten proof yet.
“I’m not sure I’d qualify this for gardening,” I reply, smiling softly. “I think it requires a little more than some mint and basil.”
“Hey, be nice to my sister. There’s rosemary in there too,” she jests, sipping her coffee and watching me closely. “It’s been a week.”
“Ten days,” I say softly, correcting her.
“What are you going to do?” Hattie doesn’t ask this as a demand. She asks as a concerned sister, someone who is sticking up for me against me.
Since Derek came to the apartment, he hasn’t exactly left me alone. He’s continued to text every morning and every night, and he’s sent flowers, which are absolutely stunning off-white and orange cream-colored dahlias with baby’s breath sprinkled between them. The vase was packed full, and I could tell the flowers were worth a pretty penny.
They were the most beautiful flowers I’ve ever seen, and I was already plotting how I’m going to preserve them.
Then he sent a goodie basket with brand-new coloring books, markers, crayons, and all sorts of crafty things. Along with a card for Rora that said he couldn’t wait to see her soon, but he was busy working hard right now.
I want to know what that means. I want to know what he’s working on, how he’s doing, who he’s working with. I want to know how he’s doing, period.
I just don’t know how to push past my hurt.
“Ten days.” Hattie clicks her tongue. “Must feel like an eternity to him.”
I give her a hurt look. “For him? What about me?”
Hattie nods and says, “Well, of course for you too. But you’re the one with the key to making it all better. He’s gotta sit around and wait for you to let him in again.”
“I…” I pause, unsure how to respond without sounding… mean or jealous, or even more hurt than I was.
“Listen,” Hattie starts, setting her coffee down and coming to stand by me. Rora is inside at the kitchen table, doing one of the crafts Derek had so thoughtfully sent. “I know he hurt your feelings, I get that. But he’s trying to do right by you now.”
“I know.” I do know. I’ve seen it, everyone can see that.
“I guess what you need to ask yourself is, can you fully forgive him and move on? Can you let this go and live with the man you love, knowing you likely won’t ever find someone like him again? Or is it time to let him go and put you both out of your misery?”
I give her a sarcastic look. “Well, when you put it that way.”
“I’m serious, Birdie. Derek is mad for you. He loves you and Rora so much. He is absolutely ready to be a husband and father, I could see it.”
I feel a not totally unpleasant warmth slide through my gut at her words.
“But I also know he has so much love and respect for you that if you asked him to, he would let you go.”
My brain and heart both start protesting loudly at that thought. That he would let us go.
