“Not much.” I shrug. “He asked me not to leave, but I did anyway. I just… couldn’t stand there any longer. I don’t know.” I let my feet drop to the ground as the movie ends, and Rora hops on my back. “Time for bed!” I say with way more glee than I feel.
Hattie stands and boops Rora’s nose, telling her good night. Then she looks at me. “Maybe use this time to get away for a bit. It’s the weekend, and you’ve been dying to go up to Quinn’s place since the last time you talked.”
“Yeah, true.” The idea of leaving makes me sick, but the idea of staying and having to face Derek is worse.
“I’m here for you, whatever you need.” Hattie leans in and hugs us both, tickling Rora as she does so before we head off down the hallway to get her ready for bed.
We go through the normal night routine as always: potty, jammies, brush our hair, brush our teeth, wash our face, one sip of water, and we’re done.
I turn on the bedside lamp and settle onto the floor. Rora snuggles in deep with her two elephants, and seeing the crocheted one makes my stomach clench with pain.
“Did you pick a story?” I ask, smiling at my daughter, who was growing up way too fast. She hands me a book, and I start to open it, turning so she can see the pictures.
“Mommy?”
I pause before I can get out the first line and turn my head to face her. “Yeah, sweetie?”
“Where’s Derek?”
There it is. The dreaded question I haven’t wanted to answer. The truth is I don’t want to answer truthfully, but I also don’t want to upset her if Derek and I work it out. I hope we do, but right now, space is what I need.
“Derek had some things he needed to do tonight,” I answer, vague and really not answering her question. “But.” I pause and wonder if I should say anything when I haven’t confirmed it.
What the hell?
“I’m thinking we go on a fun girls’ road trip this weekend. What do you think?”
“A trip!” she says, her eyes lighting up.
“Yup,” I tell her, trying to be as excited as she is. “But it’ll only happen if we get some rest.”
“Okay, Mommy.” Rora settles back in, and I start the story, wishing I could also run away to a faraway kingdom and have all of my problems solved like one of these princesses.
Real life is so unfair.
Chapter Thirty-One
“Space is one of the meanest things a woman can ask for. But I think it’s the most necessary.” - Archer
DEREK
I remember the first time I stood on this doormat, wishing that I was here to take the most amazing woman I ever met out on a date.
Now I stand here, after months of falling deeper and deeper in love with her, wondering if I still have her at all.
It’s a sobering thought, one that’s been plaguing me for the last twenty-four hours. I’ve called several times now, enough times that I lost track of the exact number.
I haven’t bothered with too many texts, because at least if I call, I can tell myself she lost her phone or it died, but if I text and get left on read, then I might actually combust into myself.
Finally, I knock on the door, wishing I could hear Rora’s little squeal of excitement as she races toward it, but I hear nothing. I stuff my hands into my coat pockets, wishing the morning wasn’t so bitterly cold.
I glance around the parking lot, noting that the place she normally parks is vacant of any cars, and my shoulders drop in defeat. I should have noticed that beforehand, but my feet and brain were too eager to just get to her. To talk to her. To find a way to fix what I broke.
Because I know I broke it. I know it was me who messed this all up.
It was quite humbling to know that I’ve been pushing and nagging my buddies all these years, calling them out for shitty behavior and making them man up with their girls, and now I was the one messing up.
I turn and take three steps when I hear the lock click in the door and spin around, hope and eagerness warring for top-billed emotion, only to come plummeting down when Hattie’s face greets me.
