“Oh, it is.” But if I had to eat that one all over again just for her, I would.
I clear the rest of the space separating us and reach for her hand. I toy with her fingers, my heart blaring with musical notes when she does the same back. “I’m even sending you off with some of mine as well—the better of the two options.”
She gives me a look, and honestly, I’m surprised it’s not the kind that shows her backpedaling. I didn’t exactly expect her to kiss me. But like hell if I was going to push her away. Even now, I can’t get the thought of her soft lips on mine out of my goddamn head.
“Thank you,” she murmurs.
“I’m not sure we can keep going like this,” I say, and fuck do her eyes snap to mine almost immediately. Disappointment circles in them, and I reach up, swiping my thumb over her swollen bottom lip, wishing it was in my mouth again. “It’sprobably not smart for me to be giving you life advice if all I can think about is kissing you.”
Her shoulders relax the slightest bit. “I don’t know how I’m going to tell him,” she says quietly. “I can’t marry him, Dawson. If tonight made me realize anything, it’s that. And I know that might sound sudden. I’m not necessarily trying to jump into something right away with you, but I?—”
I smooth my hand over the side of her neck and hook my fingers behind it. “If you want to jump, I’ll be right there jumping with you.”
She leans forward, dropping her forehead to my chest. “Why are you like this?”
A soft chuckle comes from me. “I feel like those words imply I’m something negative.”
“You just… I’m effortlessly drawn to you, and I can’t make sense of that. I haven’t even known you for that long. Maybe it’s my trauma muddying real life, but doesn’t this feel too fast?”
“You can’t put such constrictions on chemistry and fate.”
She sighs. “Maybe you’re right.”
“We don’t have to rush anything. I’m not asking you to leave him, Emory.”
She looks up. “I know that, but I think somewhere deep down, I already knew this was coming. My gut has been unsettled when it comes to him for some time now, and I can’t… I can’t move forward with someone who’s been so distant during one of the hardest times of my life. It doesn’t feel right.”
My eyes flick back and forth between hers. “You should always do what you feel is best for you, Emory. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. Him, me, or whoever else you choose to have in your life.”
She groans, then lifts up on her toes as I crane my neck, our faces nearing. “Why is there always so much clarity in the words you speak, and why does that make me feel things I shouldn’t?”
I don’t get the chance to answer her because, in the next breath, we’re kissing. That scent that comes off her in waves washes over me, circling me in a crushing hug that I haven’t felt in a long damn time.
Truthfully, I hardly understand what’s happening between us, either. But I do know that people don’t deserve to keep themselves away from the things—situations or people—that light and lift them up.
Doing so would be a disservice. I can’t make sense why, if her fiancé is unhappy, he hasn’t already pulled the plug on their relationship. Even he doesn’t deserve to be miserable. I don’t like the way he’s treated Emory, but I do know that much.
When she slowly pulls away, I follow her, stealing one more kiss, greedy for this woman in front of me. “You’re going to go home,” I tell her as I follow her to my apartment door. “You’re going to eat your pizza, and you’re going to take your time figuring out how you move forward. Nothing is a rush. Not what you choose to do with him or what happens between us.”
Mostly, I just want her to be happy. Just like I’ve wanted for myself for way too long. I never thought I’d meet a person again who could stir that in me, and while Emory might be the person who shows me how ready and willing I am, I don’t want to back her into a corner and make her feel like she doesn’t have a choice.
I didn’t do that with my ex, and I’m not about to do it to her. No matter how much I’d love to open my heart again.
If what we have is meant to last and supersede everything else, then that’s exactly what’ll happen. Patience is a virtue I have that not many other men do. I know how to stay calm, how to keep my feelings under control while Emory works through hers. It’s the least anybody can give her.
“Is it bad to question the universe for throwing me such a dramatic curveball?” she asks as I twist the knob and pull the door open, the hallway beckoning her departure.
“I suppose it depends on who you ask, but I personally don’t think it’s wrong to reflect on the things that happen to you.”
She looks up at me, just like she did earlier, and whispers, “What if I fell into that water for the sole purpose of finding you?”
“I’d sacrifice these feelings that seem to triple by the hour when it comes to you if it meant you never had to go through that.” I lift my hands and let them sink into her hair on either side of her face. “I would never want you to feel an ounce of pain for me.”
“You say that…”
“Imeanthat. All I want is for you to be happy, Emory.”
“And what if that doesn’t include you?”
