Sebastian presses his lips together. “Exactly.”
I nod toward the hospital staff. “How long do you think until they kick us out?”
“No clue, but it seems like their hands are too full to care right now.”
“Yeah it d?—”
A bang comes from beside me, the reverberation of a door flying open and slamming against a wall. It moves through the floor and up my legs. When I look over to see what’s going on, a flash of black blurs past me. Colson rushes by in haste.
I’m the first on my feet, yelling his name as I run for him. “Colson!”
He doesn’t bother answering, but I grab the bottom of my dress, lifting it to ensure I don’t trip over it, and race after him. My shoulder bumps into something hard, and my mind barely registers the haze of red hair when I twist and look over my shoulder. I offer a muffled apology as I breeze past and catch Sebastian’s deep voice from behind. He’s just as concerned over Colson’s sudden departure as I am and catches up quickly. I pick up speed when Colson exits through a door leading back out to the main waiting area.
He can’t just bail.
He can’tleave.
No matter how hard it gets, he needs to be surrounded by people who care about him. People who will help him through. People who will risk being pushed under water so he can have a minute to clear his lungs and breathe the fresh air.
I push through the door after him, frantically searching for his black suit. I catch it as he leaves through the automatic emergency entrance and rush after him. I get two steps before arms shroud my shoulders and drag me back, pulling me to a stop and putting more distance between me and Colson.
“No,” I wail, a sob threatening to wrack through me. “Let me go.”
Sebastian is in my ear, trying to calm me. “Stop, Violet.” It doesn’t work. I try to yank away from his grasp, jostling myshoulders. I’m not strong or quick enough. “Stop it.” He hisses it quietly, like it’ll change me wanting to go after the man who’s walking away with my heart. Who I’m so, so fearful has dropped it on the dirty sidewalk as an afterthought.
“Sebastian, getoffme.”
“No.” He twists me around and firmly places his hands on my shoulders. He dips down into my line of sight. I look toward the entrance. Colson gets smaller and smaller. Sebastian grabs my chin and moves my gaze back to him. “He just spent a fucking hour in a room by himself with his dead mother. Let him go. He needs space. You said so yourself.”
I bring my fists up and beat them against his chest as hard as I can. “Yeah, well, I take it back. He needs…he needsus, Sebastian.”
“No,” he breathes out a heavy breath and lets me pound my fists against his body like it’s nothing. “This isn’t what that looks like.”
The last thing I want is to leave Colson on his own to fight all the thoughts and emotions that are hitting him. He’s used to walking through life without someone by his side, but he doesn’t have to do it this time. Janie may not have been there for him when he needed it, but I’m here, and I wish he’d see that. I wish Sebastian would let me go so I could show him how serious I am about not leaving his side.
My chest heaves out a breath, rising and falling from chasing after him. “I won’t do that, Sebastian. I won’t leave him to fend for himself when he doesn’t need to. I can’t…” My words cut off in my throat, heavy emotion slicing them in half. I dip my chin, my gaze resting on the floor before I press my eyes shut. “I won’t let him do this alone. Whenever I’ve needed him, he’s been there for me.” I look back up. “And now that he needs me, I’m going to be there, and there’s nothing you can do that’s going to stop that.”
“Jesus, I’m not sayingnotto be there for him, Violet. I’m just saying to give him a minute to catch his breath. If he wanted to be around us, don’t you think he would’ve stayed? Do you honestly think if he wanted support right now that he would have walked the fuck out?”
I consider that, and no. He wouldn’t have. Maybe Sebastian is right and Colson really does need space but…
Sebastian’s voice lowers, and the edge of irritation that’s there dissipates. “This is a hard fucking day, Vi. It’s hard as hell for allof us. I know you care about him.” I look away, but he tips my chin right back toward him. “That you love him and would do anything for the guy, and I fucking love that for the two of you, but let him simmer down before the fire inside of him burns everything around him to the ground. You don’t want to get caught up in that.”
I nod, finally relenting because at the end of the day, if I were in Colson’s shoes, maybe I would do the same. Walk out of this place and not look back. Because looking back would mean it’s real.
“Do you think he’ll come back? Someone has to claim his mom’s body.”
He nods back in the direction of the emergency room. “Mom will take care of it. As much shit as Janie has caused, there’s no way in hell she’d ever let the state take her.”
“Of all days,” I shake my head, “it had to happen today? On the night of your mom’s fundraiser?”
“I know. That’s life sometimes; fucks you up the rear when you least expect it.”
FIVE
VIOLET
Violet:Where are you?
