My hands curl into fists. It’s hard to tell if he’s just being himself or if the dig is intentional. I decide to let it go for the timebeing because what he says about Tommy picks at my brain in a weird way that I don’t have an answer to.
If the day comes when I’m done, all Tommy will care about is the fact that I made him a shitload of cash. He’ll let me walk.
You enter the mouth of the beast, he won’t spit you out, and if you’re one of the lucky few he doesn’t want, it still won’t matter. You won’t be whole by the end of it.
Finn watches me with rapt attention. It’s like he’s inside my head and can hear my thoughts. He clicks his tongue and shakes his head. “See things how you want, but remember which one of us is meeting up in a dingy, broke-down-as-fuck warehouse on the outskirts of Harrison Heights nightly. You’re not much better than me now, are you, Colson?”
“Fuck you.”
“Right back atcha. Violet, you want a ride home, then let’s go.”
She nibbles her lower lip. I’d give anything to make it my teeth there. To be the one biting down on that pink, pillowy lip and sucking it into my mouth. “I’ll be right behind you.”
“You got three minutes, then I’m gone.”
She nods, and he walks out into the shadowed hallway.
“I know you two don’t see eye to eye,” she starts. “And a lot of messed up things have happ?—”
“Why the hell would you let him take you anywhere?”
She rears back, offended, then makes a dig at me. “You could’ve easily made sure this never happened if you would have told me the truth from the start, but you chose to keep it hidden and lie.” Hurt laces her words. “You could have trusted me,” she adds, her voice dropping. “Like I trusted you with what I was going through but I guess…well, it’s clear you didn’t.”
Doesn’t she get it? “I couldn’t tell you at the time. I needed you to just trust me.” My adrenaline is beginning to wear, andmy damn knuckles hurt. I want to get out of here, back to my car, and go home.
“And I did.” She takes a step closer, but I can tell with how her shoulders are set back that there’s no way I can touch her right now. “But how would you feel if you found out that I was slinging large amounts of money at drug dealers and…and fighting a bunch of dudes in this underground world of aggression and stupidity? I’m so fucking confused and hurt because I thought I knew you, and now…”
My heart blazes with pain as if it’s been twisted between two hands. My throat rolls, wanting the anecdote to make it go away but there isn’t one. There’s nothing that would make Violet’s disappointment in me hurt less. “You do know me.”
She shakes her head, flicking my promise away like a pesky gnat. “I came with Finn willingly because he said you needed help. I just didn’t…”
I clear my throat, forcing it to work despite my entire body flaming with the need to close this distance and get down on my knees in front of her. She’s looking at me like I’m a stranger. Like we haven’t spent time twining our hearts together over the challenges we faced. “You shouldn’t trust him,” is what I choose to say instead.
“To be honest, I’m kind of having a hard time trusting you after what I heard. I asked you about him and your injuries, and I understand why you wanted to keep it to yourself, it’s…a lot. But I thought we were closer than that, Colson. I thought we could trust each other with anything. I told you what happened with my dad. I confided in you, and you just…I don’t even know.”
I hate that she’s right.
I should’ve told her.
Not for help, but because sheissomeone I can trust. Her being here is proof of that. “I didn’t ask you to divulge that information to me.”
“No, but I did because I felt…” She trails off again, and it’s like it’s all she can seem to do. Like her thoughts are taking time to catch up to what’s going on. Like she has the beginning of them but not the end.
I take a meager step closer, breaching her bubble. I could really use her warmth right now. Or that jasmine-like scent that clings to her flawless skin. “I know what you felt,” I murmur, my earlier irritation over seeing Finn fading quickly. Nothing else matters when I’m alone with her. I wish I could pick up her heart and piece it back together. “I felt it, too.”
“No…” She points at me, and I don’t dare take another step toward her. “You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to make your voice all soft and push into my space and touch me and try to make this seem better than it is. You lied to me for months. There were so many opportunities to come clean, to confide in me.”
My emotion bubbles, because fuck, I hate this.
She shakes her head. “You lied out of omission. That might not be the same in your book, but it is in mine, Colson. I spent months lying for my own father and you made a fool of me by letting me lean on you when you were doing the same in return.”
I turn on my heel and bring my fist down on the desk. A few old, dusty papers float to the floor. “Do you think I don’t know that?” I’m not looking at Violet to see if she flinches. “I do trust you, but it was too much. A separate part of my life than where you took up shop. I wasn’t going to bring you into it and taint what we had. You were already going through the shit with your family. It would’ve been messed up to pile it on you.”
Something crunches. It’s not until I feel a hand on my side, right along my rib cage, that I realize it’s Violet’s shoes making the noise. Her voice is like the gentle stroke of fingertips running over my bare skin. “It sucks knowing that I came to you with my deepest secret, and you kept all of yours to yourself. I wishyou didn’t have to go through any of this, but I’ve been here. There were so many times you could’ve turned to me, but I’m beginning to realize that I wasn’t enough for the simple decency of honesty.”
Fuck.
She was never not enough.
