“It doesn’t have to be like this.”
“Get it through your head, Violet.” I tap my knuckle against my temple. “I don’t fucking want to be with you anymore.”
“What is so wrong about me being here for you? Even as your friend?”
Everything.
Nothing about that set up would work.
She takes a step forward, that jasmine scent invading my senses all over again. I twist around because I can’t handle that right now and move over to the other side of the kitchen. She watches me despite my words manhandling her.
“Youdon’twant to be here for me.”
“Yes, I do!”
“No,” I yell back, stomping over to her. It’s the first time I’ve raised my voice at her like this, and I feel like the shittiest guy on this side of the Sycamore Memorial. “You fucking don’t. You don’t want to see me like this. You don’t want to know what it feels likehere.” I punch my chest. “And you don’t want to be on the receiving end of it.”
“I’m not afraid of you…or your pain,” she mutters softly.
“You should be.”
“You’re not the kind of man you say you are.Thinkyou are.” Her hands come up to my chest, playing with the strings from my hoodie while she tries to catch my gaze.
I pluck her hands off me. “Don’t touch me.”
“You didn’t seem to mind a minute ago.”
I turn to grip the countertop, my back to her. Again. “That was different.”
She huffs, and I wish I wasn’t this fucking stupid. “Of course it was. It’s always different when you have your dick shoved down the back of someone’s throat, isn’t it?”
My teeth nip at my cheek and my jaw clenches. Her sucking me offwasn’tnothing. I felt every ounce of her in the way she pleasured me, but I’m not about to tell her that. I’ll never admit to wanting more of her in these moments where I’m so goddamn broken I can’t tell left from right.
“Oh, nothing to say to that?” she goads. “Go figure.”
“Please just go. For the love of fucking God, get me out of your head. What we had never existed.” It’s amazing how good I’ve gotten at spouting off bullshit since I found her on that rock.
She winds up her bow and that mouth of hers sends her insult flying. It lands in the center of my back, a stab above my kidneys. “Screw you, Colson. How dare you try to take that away from me, away fromus.”
We were always meant to go up in flames. I think I understand that more than ever. It was easy to think otherwise when I was so focused on Finn, thinking about getting Mom help, and working out my next step in life.
She sniffles and then yelps. I twist around to find her holding her ankle. She must’ve tried to take a step, but it was too much. I immediately spring into action and move to her side.
“No,” she screams, shoving me away. “Get away from me! You don’t get to say those things and then help me.”
“You can’t fucking walk on your own, Violet.”
I hoist her back to her feet, her tiny fists flying at my chest in frustration. She lacks all the power in the world behind each punch, but it hurts more than when Nic and I got into it in that alleyway. Each time her closed palm connects with my body, my heart threatens to beat out of turn. To halt completely.
“Stop.”
“No!” She’s crying now, big sloppy tears rolling down her cheeks, and all because of me.Idid this. I told her that what we had was worthless. That we’ll never be together again. I’ve shown her that her mouth is worth more than loyalty and love.
I really am a fucking coward.
I grab her shoulders and shake her. “You have to.”
“Fuck you for telling me what Ihaveto do,” she wails, yanking herself away from me. She stumbles on her foot then turns for the back door, breathing through the pain each time she limps.
