This isn’t exactly what I had in mind when I came over. My plan was to talk, not to seduce him, but I’ll take anything he’sgiving. And maybe, just maybe, he’ll be real with me when it’s over.
Hell, maybe it’s already over, and I just don’t realize it yet.
I grip onto his hoodie, twisting the fabric in my palms as he continues to kiss my neck. Most are quick pecks. Others are more languid and end with his tongue sweeping over my sensitive skin.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he hums, nipping at my earlobe.
“Then don’t.” It’s difficult to focus on his honesty when all I want is to melt into him.
“I can’t focus on not hurting you when there’s so much other shit going on in my head.” His hand, the one at the back of my head, slides down my neck and goes as far as tucking into the collar of my jacket. He tugs and the top button pops free.
“One minute I want to break things,” he confesses. “The next, I want to cave to the pressure of it all, say fuck it, and down a bottle of booze so I can forget what it feels like.”
I really shouldn’t say it.
Shouldn’t give in because when I look back on it, I’ll realize how fucked up it is, but Colson and I have always had a certain way of doing things. We give ourselves up to the other when it’s needed most. And I know, without a doubt, that Colson’s favorite way to let go is when I give myself to him fully.
No different than the night we made out at Lucy’s.
Or when it happened again in this very house.
I’m at his mercy.
I’llalwaysbe at his mercy.
“Forget all that,” I whisper to him. “I’m right here. Use me. Drinkmeuntil you’re too drunk to notice the difference.”
NINE
COLSON
I wishshe wouldn’t have offered herself up, but if there’s one thing I know about Violet, it’s that she cares tremendously, sometimes too much, when it comes to certain people. I just happen to be on that list. It’d be easier if I didn’t know how the hell I ended up there, but I do.
For months, we’ve bonded, created this link between our hearts and souls that’s almost unexplainable. She gets me. Understands what I need at every moment. Like now. If I caught anyone else trying to break in through one of the windows, they would have curled into themselves at my hard tone, but she didn’t let it bother her. At least not enough to leave. She lashed out, got under my skin, and now look at us.
I want her so goddamn badly it physically hurts. Not just because I want to forget about what I’m feeling inside, but because it’s always good with her. I’m well aware I’ll never meet another girl like her. One who is so willing to give herself up for the sake of pulling me out of the shit-stinking mud I’m stuck in.
I’m a selfish bastard.
I don’t tell her no when she tells me to use her as my drink of choice.
For the life of me, I can’t force that one-syllable word out of my mouth, and if I’m being honest, I don’t want to.
I left her.
Told her we were over.
But as she stands in front of me, spitting insults, I’m reminded of how much I fucking care for this girl. How much she makes me feel and how easy it is to forget the rest of the world when she’s near. She’s the greatest magician on the goddamn planet.
I slide my hand down the line of buttons on her jacket, each one of them popping one after another. I go slow to grant her the opportunity to pull away if she has a change of heart. Her arms go slack, and her coat drops to the floor instead. Her shirt comes off next, leaving her in nothing but her pants and the flimsy bralette she wears when she’s kicking back at the apartment. This one is light pink but almost looks purple and does nothing to hide her nipples. They’re right there and as my thumb draws closer to them, I wonder how I got so lucky.
How thefuckdid I lock her down?
How the hell is it possible thatI’mthe one she’s looking at with unapologetic desire pooling in her eyes?
I wish I could dive into them and sink into the pureness of her irises. As much as she calls me a coward, and as much as I allowed it to get under my skin, she doesn’t mean it. Violet is too genuine to cut me with those razor-sharp words when she already knows I’m hurting from everything else.
She’s doing it for a reaction.
