“You know the deal. I show up and we sit in silence. I think that’s what he needs most right now. We can’t relate to him, andhe knows that, so naturally, he doesn’t want to listen to a word anyone says.”
“Did he…” The question is on the tip of my tongue, and I know I shouldn’t ask, but my heart can’t help itself. “Did he mention me?”
“I wish I had a better answer for you,” Sebastian says. “Give him time, and he’ll come around. His head is too fogged up to see how much he’s fucking up. You’re going to be the first person he wants when he’s ready to let someone in.”
Two weeks ago, I would’ve believed that, and as much as I know deep down that Colson and I share this unexplainable connection, the heartbreak I’m facing tells me differently. My biggest fear is that my time with him has already come to an end, that hewon’tcome to his senses, and if I chase after him, he’ll continue to push me out of the way until I have nothing left in me.
No energy to keep fighting.
I don’t relay my thoughts to Sebastian.
We follow the trail to the campus’s most loved coffee spot and change to a lighter subject. All the while I wish I were with Colson. I wish Janie was still alive. And most importantly, I wish my heart didn’t feel as though it was going through a meat grinder on the slowest setting possible.
“Screw this.”
I can’t take it anymore and slam my textbook closed. Focusing on my study notes for my upcoming exam on early childhood teaching methods is impossible. As soon as the information hits my brain, it floats away as if I never read it.Nothing is sticking, and it’s all because my mind is focused on one thing.
Seeing Colson.
Getting updates from Sebastian isn’t enough, and I know it’d be best if I stay away, but it has been days, and I won’t do it any longer.
I can’t.
I tug on a pair of black leggings and a loose shirt before slipping my jacket on. I pull my hair back in a ponytail, and I don’t even care about the pimple that’s on my chin or the smeared mascara under my lashes. I rush down the hallway, glad not to run into anyone until I make it to the kitchen for a bottle of water and spot Everleigh. She’s been home a lot more since she broke up with Tristan, and honestly, I’m still getting used to it.
Her eyebrows stretch up her forehead as she pops a chip into her mouth. She has a clipped stack of papers on the counter next to her and her favorite editing pen with a frilly feather on the end of it. “Where are you going dressed like an assassin in the night?”
I glance down at my attire, noticing that I am, indeed, dressed in all black. Whatever. It doesn’t make a difference. My pulse beats wildly regardless of the color of my clothes.
Clearing my throat and trying to sound as confident as possible, I announce, “I’m going to see him.”
Concern flashes over her features. “This late? And are you sure that’s a good idea?”
“Good idea or not, I need to see him, Ev.”
She wipes the chip crumbs off on her leg. “I thought space was good right now.”
I throw my arms up in the air out of exasperation. “He doesn’t have anybody, Everleigh! Everyone isleaving him alone.Respecting his want for space when he needs someone there themost. And I know I originally agreed with that, but I was okay with it for, like, an hour. Not days.”
“I hear you, and I say, if it feels right then go make sure he knows you’re there for him, but also…be careful.”
“Colson would never hurt me,” I assure her.
“That’s not why I said it.” She moves toward the foyer and digs a can of Mace out of her bag before slapping it into my palm. “You’re going to Harrison Heights at nearly ten o’clock at night. You don’t know what you'll bump into there.”
I nod and take it, grateful she’s not trying to convince me to stay. “Thank you. For the Mace and being there for me when you’d probably rather be editing whatever manuscript you’re working on now.”
“That’s what friends are for, Violet. Besides, I needed a little bit of a break. Let me know how it goes?”
“I will,” I promise, then I’m out our apartment door, riding the elevator down and hopping into my car. I use my memory to navigate over the river and onto his mom’s street. It takes me three times, but I finally get it and pull up to the curb with a heaving chest.
The house is darker than what I’m used to, which isn’t much since I’ve only been here one other time. I came all this way, and it’d feel wrong to give up without at least going in to see if he’s home. Besides, where else would he be?
I try his cell again before I get out of the car, hoping he’ll answer and make this a lot easier. He doesn’t, so I slip out and sprint to the front door. I realize I haven’t thought my plan through when I twist the doorknob and find it locked.
I look back out at the street and take in the streetlights barely brightening the night.
Why did I think I could just walk right in?
