“Because I don’t know if you want me. And not just in that way, but in any capacity. I’ve tried to be there, and you’ve shoved me to the side so many times I physically can’t take it again.”
He imprints a slash over his bottom lip when he bites into it again. “Will you please come over here? I don’t want to have this conversation with you a million miles away.”
I nod subtly, swinging my bag onto the chair I was sitting on and stand next to his bed.
“Sit down?”
Squeezing my butt on the sliver of space at the edge of his bed, he lifts his right hand over my legs, resting it on my outer thigh. My stomach erupts with a volcanic level of nerves when he grazes his hand over me and gently digs his fingers into my covered skin.
“Why is it you’re always wearing sweats when I’m desperate to feel you?” he whispers, blue gaze set on mine.
“Colson,” I murmur, because now isn’t the time to comment on my outfit of choice or how thick the fabric might be.
“I know, I’m sorry.” He rubs his palm up my leg again until it’s high enough to hook his fingers into my pocket. “I do want you, Vi. There’s not a day in my life since I’ve met you that I haven’t wanted you. I thought we’d both be better off if I pushed you away. I couldn’t fucking think straight after finding out about my mom. I wanted it all to fade to black, and I couldn’t risk the same happening with you, so I let you go,” he explains.
My chest caves with the intensity of his words and stare.
He’s so freaking handsome, even in this bed, even with cuts and bruises smattering his face.
“I want you ineverycapacity, baby. My body aches every time I think about you just to be reminded that you’re nowhere near. Everything good that exists inside of me is there because of you. I don’t want to fight with you. For the first time in a long time, I have clarity. I texted you because I want you back. I want every goddamn piece of you. You’re mine. You always will be in my head. And you’re right, what we have—or had—wasspecial. I was an idiot to ever throw it away, but I can see clearly now, and you’re all I fucking want. You’re all I've ever wanted.”
I reach up and carefully cover his cheek with my hand. His hair is longer, and I run my fingers into it gently, making sure not to hurt him. “Colson,” I choke out. I’ve waited a long time to hear everything he just said, but…I don’t know if it’s too late.
“Don’t say my name like that, Violet. Like you’re already halfway out the door and can’t get away fast enough. Please let me drag you back into my life. I want you in my orbit. For fucking ever, I swear.”
He unhooks his fingers from my pocket and runs his hand up my extended arm. He goes up until his fingers smooth over the chunkiness of my sweatshirt and his palm fastens to the side of my neck, drawing me closer.
His gaze bounces around my face until his eyes drop to my lips and stay there. “You’re so fucking pretty, Vi. It makes me insane, knowing you’re so close but so goddamn far away.” His thumb trails over my bottom lip. “Put your walls down. I know they’re there because of me, but I need you to tell the army to stand down. Tell them I’m done hurting you. Tell them…” he swallows, and I commend his ability to stay focused because I’m barely hanging on myself.
My lungs are so close to giving out after not drawing in a breath for far too long. My heart thumps in my chest, pounding out a beat like the paws of a cheetah running at full speed.
“Tell them what, Colson?” I whisper, running my fingertips over a scattering of scratches under his lashes.
“Tell them I’m so fucking incredibly in love with the girl they guard. And that they’d be doing a disservice to mankind by not allowing me to love her the way she deserves.”
Someone must tie a string to my heart because it’s suddenly out of my chest and floating with the likes of the clouds. He pulls my face a smidge closer, and yes, I’m dying for him to kiss me, but the logical, fearful side of my brain has me pumping the brakes.
“You love me?” I question, because I need to hear it again.
“Like you wouldn’t believe,” he whispers in a brittle voice.
“I…”
“You don’t have to say it back, Vi. That’s not why I said it. I said it because it’s how I feel. I am lost when it comes to you. I’m sorry it’s taken me so damn long to get here.”
I drown in the deep blue of his gaze. “No, that’s not what I was going to say. I’m scared, Colson.”
“I know, baby. But I promise, I’m going to be better. It’s okay if you need time and proof to believe that. We don’t have to write anything in stone. I won’t force you to be here if you don’t want to be, but I would fucking love it if you were.”
I nod, unable to take my eyes off him. “It might take a little bit of time.” Between Webber and everything with Colson, my heart needs time to catch up, and to be sure it’s no longer in a danger zone.
“I understand.” He applies pressure to my neck, a silent nudge for me to cut away more of the space between our mouths. I follow his lead because I’m helpless when it comes to him.
“Thank you,” I mutter.
When we’re centimeters from touching, he hums, “You’re welcome, baby.”
His lips smooth over mine in the slowest of ways a beat later. They’re soft and sweet and exactly how I remember them. His stubble cuts into my chin, but in a way that is mind-blowingly delicious. A groan tumbles out of his mouth and into mine when I skim my tongue against his. His fingers tangle in the hair at the nape of my neck. The slight pull of them tugging at the strands ignites a flurry of arousal through every inch of me while simultaneously mending my cracked heart. It soars from the dark depths of deprivation.
