VIOLET
I walk backto Spring Meadows with a quicker pace than when I left class. I toss my bookbag down in my room, pace for a couple minutes and decide I’ll hold off on my assignments until I get back from Harrison Heights.
I can’t believe I’m doing this, bulldozing straight through my boundaries for someone else again. I remind myself I’m not doing this for just anyone. It’s for Colson, and if roles were reversed, I do think he’d do it for me, too.
Sorting through my closet and drawers, I slip on a pair of sweats, knowing Colson doesn’t care about what I wear. He isn’t petty and materialistic like that. I could wear a ripped shirt and stained pants that haven’t been washed in a week and he’d still look at me with fire in his eyes.
Or well, that’s how he used to look at me.
I push the thought out of my head, twist my hair into a sloppy braid that falls over my shoulder and make it down to my car. I blast the current top hits to keep my mind on merging onto the 401 and crossing the Sycamore Memorial Bridge. It almost feels like my trip is cut in half with how time speeds up. I drive up to Harrison General Hospital minutes later, the bright red E.R. signage taunting me as I find a parking spot. It’s there as areminder of what it was like to show up the other night. How my heart was in my throat and my stomach wasn’t far behind.
I shove away the thought and make it up to his wing. Bypassing the nurse’s station, I stand outside of his door, noticing it’s cracked the tiniest bit. Not enough for me to peek inside to see if he has any other visitors but enough to notice voices and a television playing.
My heart seizes, and my brain overthinks walking in. They rage a war with each other right outside of his room like I’m not even present. A nurse walks by with an ice pack, giving me a friendly smile as I internally freak out.
I don’t know why I’m acting like it’s the first time I’ve spoken to Colson. We have history. Weknoweach other.
A little bird tells me why I’m stuck from moving another step forward. It has nothing to do with the situations we’ve been through and everything to do with not wanting to be rejected again.
I don’t want to put myself back out there, demolish my own boundary lines, and have him douse me with his frigid side and push me away.
Mentally, physically, emotionally…I can’t withstand a storm that tumultuous.
I blow out a steady, though anxious, breath and tap my knuckle on the door. I have my messenger back strapped over my chest with my assignments due at the end of the week in case Colson sleeps and I’m able to get time to work on them.
A soft, “Come in,” chimes from inside. It sounds like Bess. I toe a thin line between wanting to ditch this place and run straight into Colson’s arms, nuzzling my face into his neck until he’s miraculously healed.
The room is darker than the last time with the shades drawn closed and the fluorescent lighting brightening the space in a soft white-glow. Bess is sitting on an armchair in the cornerwhen I make it past the door, Thad sits next to her in an equally as comfortable chair, and Sebastian hovers next to Colson’s bed, showing him something on his phone while he sits up, forking what I assume to be his dinner into his mouth.
“Oh, look who we have here,” Bess croons, standing from her chair and crossing the room. She pulls me into a hug, squeezing me in that motherly way of hers as my attention darts around the room.
Still in her embrace, I raise my hand in a little wave. I’ve never felt so awkward in my life. “Hi, everyone.”
“Nice to see you, Violet,” Thad greets, giving me a chin nod.
Bess pulls away, scanning me head to toe. She’s quiet when she says, “Thank you for coming.” She looks at me like she was waiting for this moment. Or maybe, rather, her nephew was. “I think he could use cheering up.”
I swallow at the sudden thickness in the back of my throat. I didn’t consider Colson having visitors. This awkwardness blankets me from top to bottom, and I don’t know why. Two days ago, I sat with Bess and Sebastian as we waited for Colson to get out of surgery. I was with them the night of the fundraiser when we all raced to this same hospital. But then my gaze wanders over to the bed sitting in the center of the room, and my eyes connect with the pool of blue already on me.
How is it possible he can look likethatafter enduring the trauma he did? He may be in a hospital gown, only one arm free due to his sling, but he’s as gorgeous as ever. The physical memory of his accident curls up over his neck, the skin around it peppered in bruises, but he’s still the Colson I met and am still so much in love with that it isn’t even funny.
He sets his fork down on his tray, pushing back his half-eaten attempt at dinner. His eye still sports one hell of a shiner, the swelling still there, but I’d stare at him forever, pushing downthe uneasy sensation it pulls into my stomach if it meant he’d always be okay.
A thin layer of stubble coats his chin and cheeks. I want to run my palm over the roughness of it before slipping the pads of my fingers over the smoothness of his beautiful, thick lips.
Bess returns to her seat. At least, I think she does. With Colson’s attention focused solely on me, it’s hard to pay attention to anyone else. He looks at me like I’m the only one in this room. Like he can’t believe I’m here but also like he’s been waiting for me for an eternity.
“Look what the cat dragged in,” Sebastian teases, slipping his phone into his jeans pocket. I tiptoe farther into the room and his hand grasps my shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly before he slips past me in a silent offering of giving me his perch at Colson’s bedside.
“We were just getting ready to head out for the evening,” Bess informs me, gathering her belongings.
I twist back on my heel, catching Colson as he picks up a napkin and wipes his mouth from my peripheral. “Please stay. You don’t have to leave because I’m here.”
“We’ve been here for, like, three hours,” Sebastian says, grabbing his coat hanging over the foot of Colson’s bed. “Surprised he hasn’t kicked us out yet.”
“I was giving you five more minutes,” Colson jokes back.
Sebastian chuckles—I’m relieved to see he’s back to his regular self—and slips his arms into his coat while Bess comes to Colson’s side and gives him the best hug he can manage. She kisses the side of his head then moves for the door. “Have a lovely visit, you two,” she says before Thad gives Colson’s leg a squeeze and pat. He follows her out to the hallway a second later.
