Violet’s face forms in the small space between all the movement, and I lock onto it. Onto her pretty features. Her curious brown eyes. Her full, sweet lips. The beauty mark on her cheek.
She’s a figment of my imagination, but I want the real thing. For her to teleport into my space. Mom was right in that dream when she said she calms and grounds me.
Beeping ensues around me, but I can’t tell where it’s coming from. A weight rests on my chest I’ve felt one other time: when I was leaving Eli’s. It’s all-consuming, like what it would be like if the room filled with water, and I remained in this bed. Much like my dream. My lungs have the hardest time pulling in air, and fuck, I’m not sure if I even want them to. It doesn’t matter, though, because no matter how hard I try, my breaths don’t reach where they need to go.
The beeping comes quicker. Violet’s beautiful face gets farther away. I reach for it, but I’m too weak.
Is it always going to be like this?
A deep voice is at my side uncharacteristically fast. It takes me a minute to process that it’s Finn. That he’s next to me, reassuring me that I’m okay, that I need to breathe, as he grabs the oxygen tubes and holds them to my nose.
FIFTY-SEVEN
VIOLET
Old text messages…
Colson:Gonna be late tonight.
Violet:Everything okay?
Colson:One of the other dudes never showed for their shift. I don’t want to leave Llewellyn on his own for the rest of the night.
Violet:That’s sweet of you.
Colson:The only sweet part about me is you, baby.
I’m halfwaythrough the quad, walking home from my afternoon class when Finn falls into step with me.
“He needs you,” comes from his mouth so effortlessly. Like he chanted it repeatedly on his drive to Chatham Hills.
I glance up at his dark hair and even darker eyes, swirls of black ink tatted down the sides of his neck. When my eyes moveback to focus on where I’m walking, I also catch ink on the back of his hand. I don’t realize he has a cigarette between his fingers until he pulls a lighter from his pocket, puts the cigarette between his lips, and lights it.
“This is a nicotine free campus, Finn. You have to put that out.”
“I either smoke this or I grab the next prepped up fucker that walks by to let out the frustration inside of me. Which will it be, Violet?”
He takes a long draw from the cigarette while I skip over his rude remark. I fix the strap of my messenger bag on my arm, not in the mood to deal with him right now. “What are you doing here?”
“Already told you,” he states, following me toward Main Street. I’m on my way back to Spring Meadows after a long morning of classes. “He needs you, so whatever you got planned, cancel it and get your ass to the hospital.”
“You can’t command me around.”
I left the hospital after I had to get back to campus for class and daycare duty. I couldn’t cancel or call off sick. Besides, it’s better Colson’s actual family is there for him as he recovers. I don’t want to make it harder for him by ripping up the memories of the end of our relationship. We’ve already been through so much, and I don’t want to make it worse. However, the way Finn’s voice sounds all hurried makes me wonder if maybe I should’ve stayed. Or at least gone back to visit again.
“Just fucking go see him, will you?” Finn barks, half of his cigarette already smoked.
I roll my eyes. “Coming from the one who was too scared to step into his room when he was recovering.”
There’s a short pause before he confirms, “I went in to see him.”
I snap my gaze to him, knowing he was worried about Colson knowing he was there. His earlier statement about him needing me gets pushed to the back burner. “And? How’d it go?”
“How do you think?” he quips, full of attitude.
God, what is his problem?
The last time I saw him he was practically on his knees, ready to beg for Colson’s forgiveness, though that vulnerability is long gone, replaced by the man I first saw outside of Spring Meadows.
