“I will,” I promise.
“How’s your new job?”
“It’s different but I like it. Llewellyn is doing me a solid by helping me out.”
“I remember when he first opened that gym, and how I hoped it would help you with everything that went on.” She eyes me in that motherly way of hers. “You’re doing okay?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
She purses her lips, emotion there that I can’t pinpoint. “You forget that I spent a lot of my time with her, too, Colson. Her reckless behavior started long before she announced she was having a baby. I’m on the board of Second Chances because it helps me as much as the people who sign up for treatment. They want to be better. Every day, I hope that she gets to the place of wanting the same permanently. When I’m reminded that today isn’t that day, I think about Second Chances and how I help those people, and it keeps the hope alive.”
On my more pessimistic days, I don’t ever see Mom changing. She’s too selfish and doesn’t have anything worth fighting for. Not even me. I’ve proved myself time and time again over the years. She knows I don’t need her. It’s the other way around. Because of that, she’ll continue her destructive path, but I don’t say that. Not when I know how much Aunt Bess cares about Second Chances, a nonprofit that helps addicts who are looking for a new start.
Aunt Bess sighs. “Putting distance there was one of the best, and hardest things I’ve ever done.”
I ignore the knot in my stomach at the thought. I might’ve moved out a few weeks ago and haven’t been home to visit, but I don’t think I can cut her out entirely. I can’t leave her alone. I can’t be the man my biological father was or the person who she’s been all these years, putting everything else before the person they should love.
“I can’t leave her,” I tell Aunt Bess quietly.
“I’m not saying you have to, honey. You’re her son. I understand the connection that’s there.” She levels her gaze with mine. “But that doesn’t mean there won’t come a time you consider it.”
“It is what it is. You and I both know that.”
Sadness flashes in her eyes. She reaches out and squeezes my arm. “I’m here if it becomes too much.”
“I know.”You’re always there.
“One more hug,” she requests. “Then I’ll let you get on your way.”
I smile at that and sink into her hold once more. “It was nice seeing you, Aunt Bess.”
“Promise you and Sebastian will come to the house one day soon for dinner. Uncle Thad would love to see you, and I’d love us all under one roof for once. It’s been too long, and I miss it.”
“I’ll let him know.”
“Okay,” she pulls away, rubbing her hands up and down my arms. “Good.”
“Love you.”
“And you know I love you, Colson.” She cups my cheek, shaking her head at my lip with a soft smile, then hops into the back of her SUV. Rolling the window down, she adds, “Always will.”
Long after she drives off and I get on my way do I understand the depth of those two words:always will. I’ve never once doubted her love for me. Hell, growing up there were times I wished I could stay with them rather than being dropped back home after a sleepover.
I saw the affection that was shared and on display in the Rodriguez household. I felt the honesty in their words, the conviction in the way Uncle Thad would grip Sebastian by the back of the neck, draw him in, and squish him with a hug. The love and adoration in Aunt Bess’s eyes when she saw us playing together.
It wouldn’t take long for the guilt to eat me up afterward.
As much as I hated those first few moments after arriving home, I could never leave mom. Aunt Bess and Uncle Thad have watched out for me but…
If I left, who would watch out for mom?
Every time I think about that, I always come to the same conclusion.
No one.
SIXTEEN
COLSON
