“You know I’m used to doing shit on my own.”
“Right, but you don’t have to. You have me. My parents, too. You know how fucking ecstatic it makes Mom knowing you’re finally getting out of Harrison Heights? Don’t be surprised if she has a permanent smile on her face from now on.”
“It was this or skipping town just to get a night of fucking peace.” I tell myself that, but I also know that I’d never leave mom on her own. I might be pissed at her currently, but no matter what she does, she has the ability to reel me in using the invisible tether that binds us.
The fucked-up part is knowing the only reason I let it happen is because she’s the parent who stayed. As screwed up as she makes things and as much as she needs help, that little fact overshines everything else.
He gives me a pursed look that reveals the dimples etched into his cheeks. “Fuck that. You’re not going anywhere. You’re here because we care about you, and it’s where you belong.”
Emotion flickers in my chest at his admission. We didn’t attend the same school when we were kids, but Aunt Bess always made sure to include me in everything they did. I shadowed Sebastian as if he were a person that I wanted to be some day.
In some ways, I feel like I still do. In other ways, I know I’ll never be anywhere close to the goodness he exudes.
Sebastian never let a single one of my outbursts affect him when we were teens. Even then he had this insane amount of patience. For years I carried the anger and pain of realizing that the man who made me fled long before I had a chance to know him, and the parent that Ididhave cared more about her addiction than her one and only son.
It’s what led me to Gulliver’s, a gym I frequented regularly in high school and still go to periodically to this day. The gym gave me a healthy way to work through thepoor meattitude that started to grip me, and stopped me from taking it out on the people I care about.
“We want you to be okay. The worst things in life can happen, but we’ll always be brothers.” I want to crush him in a hug at the exact moment he grips my shoulder and repeats, “Always.”
I don’t know if I deserve his generosity or having a person as pure as him in my life, but I’m glad he’s here. I’m grateful I have him and Aunt Bess to fall back on in my absolute worst moments, even if I hate myself for not telling them the full story.
“Always,” I promise him.
That snake slithers again, reminding me of what I’m not telling him.
Hell, I don’t know what he or Aunt Bess would do if they knew the extent of what Mom’s addiction has caused. Their eyes would cross in bafflement if they knew how much loyalty I have for the one parent who stayed.
I can’t handle having the few people who have always been there for me looking at me as if I’ve fucked up. I don’t want to be a disappointment to them, but at the same time, I do what I have to because no one else is there to help her. She might not be the mother I’ve always wanted, but I don’t want to find her dead in a ditch because of the people she’s associated herself with—and theyarethose people, men who will do whatever necessary to get what they’re owed. They don’t care that she’s not mentally coherent to handle it on her own or not be taken advantage of.
It's why I’m in the predicament I’m in, and why I’m pissed as hell that she took my money. Money that was supposed to get her head off the chopping block.
I change the subject. “Your roommates are cool with it?”
He reaches into my backseat when I open the door and pulls out one of the black, shiny trash bags I filled with my clothes before I left. “I’ve told you that Tristan and Webber are cool. I didn’t tell either of them the details. Just that you’re between places and taking the spare for a while. I could’ve sworn you met them once. That time we had that gaming competition in the dorms.”
“It was in passing. If you don’t recall, half of your dorm was packed with chicks, and if the guys didn’t have their tongues down one of the girls’ throats, then they were chugging back beer and wings like their life depended on it. How you won that competition with all the commotion around you is beyond me.”
“Dude, to start, I’m just that fucking good when I have a controller in my hand.” He winks with hidden innuendo. “Second, it’s not my problem those idiots thought they could handle it half pissed away. Was like taking candy from a baby.”
“That’s fucked up if you think about it.”
He shrugs. “I played fair. Even drank one beer myself.”
Sebastian grabs a second bag and hoists both over his shoulders. In high school, he played football, and even though he chose not to play college ball, it’s clear he’s kept up with a workout regimen that keeps him in shape. I pluck the laundry basket from the seat. It’s filled with odds and ends, including a half-empty bottle of shampoo and the only toothbrush I own in a plastic baggie. I’m banking on him having a spare tube of toothpaste I can use. Mom and I shared the one back at the house, and despite her teeth rotting from the inside out, I couldn’t leave her without it.
I follow Sebastian in through the front entrance after the door clicks open with a swipe of his keycard. He promises to get me one of those too while the joy of me being here comes off him in waves.
“Ask me how stoked I am that you’re going to be living here with us,” he says.
“So stoked you’d give me your M&M stash?”
He points a finger at me. “Don’t even fucking think about it.”
I smirk. “Sharing is caring, Rodriguez. So, is it all college kids who live here?” I ask as we make it to the elevator. I want a better idea of the type of people who will be coming and going. I’ve had enough run-ins with sketchy people to last a lifetime.
“Mostly. It’s on campus, so a lot of the tenants also attend, but we’ve run across a couple people who’ve been lucky enough to secure an apartment just because they had the deposit and references to back them up.”
Not surprising.
