I watch as his fists grip the wheel tighter, almost like it’s a lifeline, as we roll to a stop at a four-way intersection before we’re moving again, the headlights giving a glimpse into the future.
“Welcome home.” He says it more for himself than me when he pulls up to the curb outside of a white house.
Neither of us are in a rush to get out. We stare out the window, noticing movement behind one of the front windows. It’s partially covered and as soon as the shadow appears, it’s gone again.
“My mom is a recovering drug addict, Violet.”
My stomach falls at his candor. Is that why he left and moved in with Sebastian? Is that why he’s been so closed off?
“I’ve braced myself walking through that door for so many years, and tonight it won’t be any different. I don’t know what we’ll walk into.”
I pull strength from my core, from deep within and put it on a platter for him to eat up. We’re good at this game. Being therewhen the other needs someone. Not an hour ago,Iwas the one who neededhim, but the tides have turned.
“Whatever it is, we’ll get through it. You and me, together. Okay?”
When I glance over, he’s already looking at me. Sweeping a hand over his face, he rubs at his cheeks in a harsh manner. “Maybe I should have left you in Chatham Hills. Jesus Christ, what was I thinking?”
My hand reaches for his forearm. “Stop.”
“You have no idea the stuff that’s gone on in there,” he tells me, referring to his childhood home. “You don’t belong here.”
“Don’t do that,” I tell him.
“Do what?”
“Act like you know what’s best for me. We work so well together because wedon’tdo that. We don’t place expectations or pretend to know what’s good for the other.”
His tone is fierce when he replies, “You aregood; a blinding contrast to what I come from.”
“You asked me to come with you for a reason?—”
“I was being selfish.”
I force my fingers into his forearm. “So then be selfish, Colson. Use me for whatever it is that you need, I can handle it.”
He groans and twists the key, turning his car off. “Don’t say stuff like that.”
“Why not? I mean it.”
“That’s the problem, Violet. I don’t want to be the asshole who takes what he shouldn’t, who puts his own needs before another person’s, before yours.”
“Maybe I want you to be selfish with me. Ever think of that? Listen, if you really don’t want me to go in there with you, then fine. But I’m tellingyou that…I’m here foryou.”
It’s like an hour passes as he watches me, his gaze ricocheting all over my face as the streetlight casts a beam in through the windshield.
I drop my hand from his arm. I got out what I needed to say. I told him that he’s important to me and that I’m willing to deal with whatever is on the other side of that door for him.
He flings his car door open, slamming it shut. I watch as he rounds the car and get out myself, not bothering to worry about my bag for the time being. I can always come out and get it later when things are less tense.
He grabs my wrist when I follow the overgrown path leading to the porch ahead of him. “What you learn on the other side of the door will stay with you. You can’t blame me when it does.”
I step into his space. This close and I can smell that familiar laundry detergent. The spice of what I assume is his deodorant. His vulnerability crystallizes in the azure of his eyes. I swear the edges of them bevel, the color becoming more pronounced than I’ve ever seen. Even here in the dark.
He sucks his bottom lip into his mouth, digging his teeth into the flesh below and shakes his head once as if he’s pained. The genes that run rampant in Sebastian’s family have clearly crossed over to Colson’s side. Never have I noticed so much emotion in such a small frame of time, though. The way it impacts his eyes or the wrinkle of his nose that goes down, down, down to perfectly shaped lips.
One quick tug of my arm, and I’m collapsing into his chest. He encompasses me. Just like earlier, and strangely it takes me back to our moment in Lucy’s when he held me against the wall and stole my entire focus.
“Whatever you see or hear will be ingrained in you. Where you go, it’ll follow.”
