Again.
And hopefully for the last times in our fucking lives.
In the seat beside me, Violet stares out the window. I’m not used to her not talking or not hearing her voice. I’m kind of desperate for it, to be honest. I grip the steering wheel and glance over. “You ever eat gas station food?”
Not bothering to look over, she says, “No.”
“When I was in high school, I’d hit up this one gas station before I’d go to the gym.” It wasn’t always worth spending the money, but it was worth not going home to find empty cabinet after empty cabinet. Although by that time, I was used to fending for myself.
“Okay.” She perks up the tiniest bit, looking over to smile, but it’s forced. Whatever happened with her family is eating her up. “Let’s do it.”
We pass Chatham U’s campus. I drive by the strip and merge onto the 401 that’ll bring us to the bridge that connects Chatham Hills to Harrison Heights. It doesn’t take long to get across or to pull into the run-down gas station that I remember spending too much time at. It may look worn and in need of renovation from the outside, but the owners have always kept the place meticulously clean on the inside.
The outside lights flicker, and I pull into a spot, chancing another glance over. “It’s easy to judge a place by its looks, but I promise the food is on point.”
“I trust you,” she says easily, rolling her head on the headrest in my direction. Damn it, that frown is wrecking me.
I have this girl who’s way too good to be my friend beside me. I don’t deserve her even being in the car with me. I certainly shouldn’t be taking her to see where I grew up. Hell, I don’tknow what she’s going to think, but she won’t cast judgment. She hasn’t yet, and maybe that’s why I’ve decided to bring her.
Because no one is perfect, and she understands that.
I don’t want to minimize what she’s experiencing with her family. It’s not nothing. But everyone is fighting a battle of their own. We all have circumstances we’re facing, which also means she’ll conquer this ordeal with her family.
The hum of the engine murmurs while we stare at one another. Just looking, that’s all we’re doing, and yet it’s like we’re touching.
Hugging.
Holding.
Embracing one another.
“Thank you,” she says softly.
“I’m only doing what you’ve done for me.”
I’m paying back her kindness. Her generosity. When Finn took my pride in that alleyway, she gave me a safe space until I could gather myself.
She was my friend, and so that’s what I’m going to be for her.
“You were there for me when I needed someone. Now, I’m here for you.” I watch her, the way her tongue peeks out and licks at her bottom lip, wishing like hell I’ll have another chance to taste it in this lifetime. “I know you’re not okay, so I’m not going to ask if you are, but whenever you need an ear, I’ll be here.”
“I thought I wanted to come back to the apartment complex so I could have the quiet without things feeling so…intense. Then I got there, and I didn’t want to be alone.”
Hence why she showed up on the wrong floor.
“I’ve known everyone else since freshman year,” she tells me, rolling her head to look out the windshield. “We’ve all been stuck together since. I guess in some ways we used to be there for each other. Except, I don’t feel that with them anymore. I consider the girls my friends, and yet, I still haven’t told them about what’sgoing on in my life. I mean, Everleigh probably wouldn’t balk at it, however we both know Sylvia would run with it. With you…”
With me, it’s different.
I know.
I feel it too.
Right here and now, she’s all that matters, and I want her to understand that, tofeelthat. Reaching across the center console, I give her thigh a squeeze, careful to make sure my hand isn’t too high. It rests just above her knee but it’s my way of saying,I’m here and I totally fucking understand.
She blows out a breath. “I’m not trying to make things weird, but I feel it in here.” She rests a hand over her chest, turning to look me in the eye.
“You’re not.”
