“That’s your problem, and if you’re not man enough to deal with it, I’ll find a different way for mama bear to pay her dues. Iknow a few men who don’t give two flying fucks what a lady puts in her body as long as their dicks are included on the list.”
Jesus fucking Christ.
Is he serious?
He’d pimp her the fuck out for money?
The thought makes me want to hurl on his shoes, makes me want to throw fist after fist at the smirk he has the nerve to give me. We both know the reason my mom was dealing is because of him. Him and his dad are the dumbasses who supplied an addict with their own supply. And now I’m the one who’s supposed to pick up the pieces from their poor business decisions?
“You know Janie,” he quips. “She’ll do whatever she has to for the things she wants.”
I grew up watching it. On repeat. For years. But dealing and prostitution? These are lows I never expected on mom’s rap sheet. Stooping to the Lincoln ways isn’t where she belongs. Her ass needs to be hauled to rehab again. Not expected to pay back thousands of dollars that could possibly lead to her selling her body or pushing her deeper into her addiction.
“What exactly is it that you want me to do?” There’s a flare of anger in my voice, and I know he catches it.
The smirk on his face only grows. “Come on, Colson. You know how serious shit gets when people don’t take care of business. You’ve paid off her debts how many times now?”
Too many, but those were different from this. A few hundred dollars here and there is nothing compared to ten thousand.
A sane person wouldn’t bring others into this god-awful shit, not like he did when she fucked up the first time. How many people have they set up to manipulate? How many people have they promised drugs to, and in return, are slowly ruining the lives of family members to earn back what’s owed?
She needs to take care of herself but won’t.
Shecan’t, and she never has.
When she fails to follow through, I’m the one who’s expected to drag her ass to the finish line. It’s been this way for years.
I wonder if she realizes that I’m the one who’s been saving her. Has she realized that she’s not only destroying her own life, but mine on top of it?
“I’ll get it for you,” I tell him. “But I need time.”
His face is the depiction of calm as he reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a pack of smokes. Holding one between his lips, he flicks open his lighter. He inhales a puff of smoke then blows it in my direction. “Time is ticking. The weasel is about to go pop.”
“I can only do so much.”
He gives me a cocky grin and shrugs. “You’ll figure it out. You always do.”
Yeah, but I’m tired of being the one who picks up the mess, who pays back debts, who puts his life on hold to enable a person who needs serious help that I can’t give.
With his thumb and index finger, he pinches the cancer stick from his lips. “You don’t want what happens next if you don’t.”
I hold my head high as he stares at me, the color of his eyes mirroring my own. Unlike other times I’ve been in this situation, I’m genuinely worried. Ten grand is the kind of money you don’t just come across. I’d have to work at Harrison Shipping for years to save up that kind of cash.
If mom doesn’t change her ways, she’ll end up digging the hole for her own grave. She’s already in the process, and it sickens me to think about. But this is my life, and I’ve been dragged into the hell she’s successfully made for herself. As much as I resent her for the bullshit, she’s also my mom, and despite it all, I love her.
I’m stuck between wanting to walk away and dropping to my knees to plead for her to get herself back to the woman I’ve seen glimpses of over the years.
She wasn’t a great mom. I had a childhood that would bring tears to some people if I told them half the shit I’ve been through or seen, but at least she stayed. When I was born, she didn’t bail like my dad did—whoever the hell he is—she stayed.
So yeah, Finn is right.
I’ll figure it out.
Just like I always do.
FOUR
COLSON
