She shoved her ice cream away, half-eaten. “Brian, I know how important your job is to you. You take the protection of this town seriously. I don’t want you to feel like you have to ignore that just to humor me.”
“You’re important to me, too,” I said, trying to make my case with her. “And I want to protect you and care for you. I need you to believe that, darling. I’m willing to do anything to prove that.”
“Anything?” She shot me a smile that went straight through me. “You’d make dinner for the next week?” she suggested.
“Sure,” I played along with her change in mood, “if you don’t mind that you’ll eat late some evenings.”
“You’d wear a pink shirt to the station instead of your uniform?” She flicked a finger over the badge on the chest of my khaki shirt.
“If that’s what you want.” I could imagine the teasing I’d take from my deputies, but if it meant something to Caitlin, I’d do it.
“You’d take me upstairs and make love to me anytime I wanted? Like…now, for example?”
That question didn’t require an answer—or at least, not one with words. I pushed back my chair, scooped her out of hers, and headed to the steps before she could utter a word.
“I’ll take that as a yes,” she whispered when we entered my bedroom, and I lowered her feet to the floor.
“Yes.” I kissed her long and deep before slowly removing her clothes and laying her back on the bed. She rose up on her elbows to watch me undress, so I put on a little show. I was partially turned away from her when I pulled my boxer briefs down and she rolled to her side and traced her finger over my flower tattoo.
“I still can’t be you got my flower tattooed on your butt.”
I twisted so I could watch her touch it, loving how her eyes shined when she looked at it. It’d been a snap decision after onetoo many drinks, but I would never regret doing it. Especially not after finding out how important those flowers were to her.
I crawled onto the bed and stretched out beside her. I needed to touch her. To be close to her. “And I’d do it again in a heartbeat.” She smiled at that, but it was tinged with sadness that I was desperate to wipe away. Cupping the side of her face, I turned her toward me and kissed her forehead. Then I slowly worked my way down, feathering kisses over her face and nibbling on her chin, making her giggle again. My heart jumped at that and I kept going.
Over the next two hours, I did everything I could to show her what she meant to me, how good we are together, and how great it would be if she chose to stay. I just hoped it was enough.
TWENTY-NINE
CAITLIN
Ispread a blanket by the lake’s shore in the same spot where we’d picnicked before. I smiled, thinking of how our relationship had changed since that day. The baby complicated everything, but also formed a tighter bond between us. I loved how much he already loved our baby. I loved how muchIloved it, too.
If it weren’t for the obstacles between us, life would be complete bliss. But him promising to spend this evening with me, out of reach of the sheriff’s office, had me feeling hopeful that we could find a way.
I took a book from my bag to entertain myself until Brian arrived. I felt confident that he would. He’d promised, and I believed him.
Fifteen minutes later, he was officially late for our date, but it was no big deal, I told myself. What was fifteen minutes? Feeling restless, though, I stood and waded in the shallow water right by the shore. The cool water rose to my calves, and I looked out over the lake to where the sun was slowly sinking in the sky.
If Brian didn’t get here soon, he’d miss the sunset. But there would still be the stars for us to watch together.
Later, when the sun dipped below the horizon and the warmth of the day faded, it seemed to take my hope with it.
I returned to the picnic blanket, trying to decide how long I’d wait for him. I checked my phone, but with no bars showing, even if he’d sent a message, I wouldn’t receive it. I felt sure he would come soon, though. He wouldn’t intentionally stand me up, so there must be a good reason why he wasn’t here.
“He’s probably doing something super important, something that makes my hurt feelings seem petty,” I muttered to myself.
But my feelings weren’t insignificant, and although I didn’t blame him for being who he was, I was becoming more convinced I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t spend a lifetime waiting for him to tear himself away from his top priority so he could come home to me. Even if I could learn to deal with it myself, I didn’t want to subject my child to always coming second. Would he miss elementary school plays and seventh grade soccer games? I had a feeling he would, and that was a kind of disappointment and pain I knew well.
The way my mother and father had treated me as a child was far worse, of course. Brian would never belittle, neglect, or manipulate as my parents had done, but he’d make promises that he wouldn’t keep. Already, he’d coaxed me out of my shell only to disappoint me. Not out of cruelty or indifference but because someone else would always need him more. All the while, he’d claim our baby and I were important to him. I looked around at the deserted park and felt so alone in my heart.
When the stars were bright overhead, I folded up the blanket and gathered our uneaten dinner. My movements were deliberate and methodical as I tried to bring order to my mind. I needed to make decisions about my future, and I couldn’t put them off much longer. After packing the items in my car, I headed toward town, driving carefully as I worked out the truth of my situation.
Brian was an amazing man. I’d probably never meet his equal. But when push came to shove, he wouldn’t be there for me the way I needed him to be. His commitment to the town would come first, and I couldn’t live like that. Maybe that did make me selfish as my mother had called me a thousand times over. But, dammit, I needed someone in my life who I could rely on completely.
“Okay, then,” I said as I took the last turn that would lead me to town. “Back to Austin for me, and we’ll figure out some way to share custody of the baby.” It broke my heart to even think that, but there was no other way.
Unless he agreed to come with me. It was a hope I almost didn’t dare to imagine, but what if he’d leave it all behind for me? In a new place, he might be able to start fresh with a better balance between work and home. If nothing else, it would show he was willing to try. I had to ask him. I couldn’t leave here without doing that. If he said he couldn’t come with me, then I’d go alone. It’d be lonely without him, so painfully lonely, but I also couldn’t share him with an entire town. Not when it seemed like he loved the town more than me and our unborn child.
