I seated my mother in the last booth and went to get two mugs of coffee—decaf for me, because I knew Brian would say that was best. I dumped creamer in mine but knew my mother, always conscious of her figure, would take it black.
“First,” my mother said as soon as I sat down, “I wanted to say that I’m sorry for being so brusque with you when you came to town. I really was happy to have you home, but it didn’t come out right. I…well, we’ve always struggled to communicate well.”
Not once in my life had I received an apology from my mother. This was a different side of her, and I wasn’t sure I could trust it. I felt my guard go up but fought against it. I’d had a great morning, basking in people’s kindness, so I tried to channel some of that optimism toward my relationship with my mother.
“I heard about the baby,” she continued. “Your father mentioned something when he got home yesterday, but like a man, he didn’t get any details.”
I wanted to tell her that he hadn’t even acknowledged my announcement, but I didn’t want to be accused of picking a fight. “I wasn’t sure he even heard me,” I admitted.
“He did, but you know how he is, so absorbed in his business dealings.” She made a little waving motion with her hand. “Everyone’s talking about the baby today, so it must be common knowledge.”
“Seems to be,” I said. I doubted there was anyone left in town who didn’t know. I half-expected a rebuke that my mother hadn’t been the first person told, so her next words surprised me.
“I’m excited about my first grandchild,” she said. “And I want to help you if I can.”
What was this? Had my mother really just offered to help? I felt my defenses rise again, but I tamped them down. Maybe grandchildren really did change things, and my mother would make the baby a priority in a way she never had with me.
“I’d appreciate that,” I said.
My mother smiled, seeming pleased, and even reached across the table to squeeze my hand. “We’ll want to make a list of everything you’ll need. Maybe you and Brian could come to dinner some evening.”
Okay, now I really didn’t know who this woman was, but if she was at all sincere, I was willing to meet her halfway. “I think wecould do that. I’m available in the evenings, but Brian’s schedule is more erratic.”
“He’s so dedicated to the town,” she said. “Such a steady man, a good one.”
For once in my life, I had to agree with her. Brian was a good man, and the optimism that had bubbled up in me earlier came to the surface again. Maybe I could stay in Poplar Springs where Brian and I could raise our child together. If my mother was willing to apologize and be nice, anything seemed possible. I was riding that happy tide until my mother spoke again.
“I’ll need you to get me an invitation to the baby shower, of course.”
How did my mother even know about that? I had just learned about it myself the evening before. “Oh, I?—”
“I just ran into Laura Thorne at the grocery store,” my mother said, her expression turning sour. “Well, not ran into exactly, I overheard her talking to Juanita Alvarez about the shower. When I caught up with Laura in the parking lot and asked her what the date was, she told me I wasn’t invited. That’s ridiculous, Caitlin. Of course I should be invited.” Her voice was scolding. Critical. Exactly the tone that I was used to from her.
I sat back in my seat and pressed my lips into a line. All my hope that my mother could change vanished in an instant.
“I mean, how would it look if I’m left off the guest list?” My mother kept going. “I’m the grandmother, after all. This is Laura’s work. She’s so uppity, and who is she really? Just a piece of garbage who showed up on the side of the road one day with a car that ‘just happened’ to break down and snagged Marshall Thorne’s attention. He couldn’t see another woman after shecame to town, and I could never understand what his fascination was with her.”
I could answer that question easily enough. Laura Thorne was kind and caring, and there for everyone who needed her. She never treated anyone, even strangers, with the coldness and disinterest I had always gotten from my parents.
“Well, that’s ancient history and it doesn’t matter anymore.” She calmed down from her tirade. “You’ll be a Thorne soon enough.”
I had to dispel that misconception right away. “Mom, Brian and I haven’t discussed marriage at all.”
Her face went white under her perfect makeup, and she leaned forward in her seat. “You have to marry him. You’re having his baby. Do you want people to call you a slut? You always were so selfish. Think of how this will affect your father and me.” She scoffed. “An unwed mother. How embarrassing.”
I should have known where this conversation would go, should have known that my mother would make it about her. Some things never changed, but what had altered over the years was my ability to stand up to her. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself and find the strength to say what needed to be said.
“I’m sorry you feel that way, Mother, but the fact that you do makes it clear to me that I don’t want you at the baby shower. If you want to be part of my baby’s life, I’m open to talking about it again. If you’re going to be toxic and judgmental, though, I don’t want you anywhere near me or the baby.”
It was the firmest line I’d ever taken with my mother. By the time I was in high school, I’d learned to keep my mouth shut. But right now, it felt good to speak my mind.
My mother stood and glared down at me. “When I think of what your father and I sacrificed for you all those years. You must be the most ungrateful daughter in Colorado. And if this is how you treat me now, I don’t want anything to do with you or your baby.” She stormed out of the diner.
I watched her pause on the sidewalk, pull her sunglasses from her purse and give her hair a flip as she composed herself. My mother was my mother. What had made me think for even two seconds that things could be different between us? Her sole concern was connecting to the more prominent family and using both me and the baby to her own benefit.
A wave of nausea that had nothing to do with morning sickness went through me. I forced myself to focus on my coffee mug and the sounds of the diner in the background. Anything to forget about the exchange I’d just had. After a few minutes, I felt calmer, but in that calmness, the truth was apparent. I couldn’t stay in Poplar Springs and be subjected to my mother on a regular basis.
This town wasn’t for me or my unborn child…but then there was Brian. I hesitated, feeling divided. I wanted to make him happy, wanted to tell him he could raise his child in the town he so clearly loved. But that choice wasn’t right for me. No matter how good it was to be with him, it wasn’t enough, especially when he wasn’t always there for me either. I’d never feel comfortable here, never feel safe from the past, and I couldn’t count on him to be by my side to balance out the bad. I had to return to Austin and pick up the pieces of the life that I’d been building before Seamus stole from me.
