“It could just be stress, but if you want to run to the drugstore for a test, I can cover while you’re gone.” Aurora said.
“Yeah, maybe I’d better. I…” I was already pulling off my apron, but I stopped. “You know what’ll happen if I buy a pregnancy test in town. Everyone will gossip about me, and since they knowI’m living with Brian…” If I was pregnant, the child was Brian’s. There was no other possibility.
“I’ll go buy one,” Aurora volunteered. “No one will think anything of that. I’ll be back in a flash. Can you handle things?”
“Sure, and thanks,” I said and redid the ties on my apron.
I tried not to count the minutes while Aurora was gone as I forced a smile and worked the floor. Fortunately, the breakfast crowd was clearing out, and most of the tables were empty when Aurora returned with a white paper bag in her hand.
“Come with me.” Aurora headed for the office in the back. “Alex,” she called to the dishwasher. “You’ve got the floor for the next twenty minutes. Take orders and get drinks for folks.”
I saw the look of shock on the dishwasher’s face, but he also seemed excited about getting out of the steamy kitchen. He was through the swinging door seconds later.
“I may have to promote him,” Aurora said. “Come in here.” She closed the door to the office and gestured to the connected employee bathroom. “Go pee on that stick and then come back out. I’ll wait for the results with you.”
“Okay.” I went into the restroom. Normally I didn’t like being bossed around, but right then I needed Aurora’s direction because my brain was swirling. I followed the directions on the box, washed my hands, and waited for the test to show results.
“Well?” Aurora called through the door.
“I think it needs another minute.” I opened the door with the stick in my hand. I couldn’t stop staring at it, but I didn’t have to wait long. A clear plus sign showed in the indicator window. “Oh, wow,” I whispered.
“Congratulations, honey!” Aurora immediately wrapped me in a hug. “You’re going to have a baby.”
My friend was practically jumping around in her excitement. My emotions were more mixed. I put the test in the trash and sat down, trying to come to grips with how my life had just changed.
“You don’t want a kid?” Aurora asked softly, picking up on my mood.
“I do. I’ve always wanted a family.” I’d always wanted to do it right. Raise children who were secure in their parents’ love and not picked apart constantly as I had been. And I liked kids, too, especially rambunctious toddlers. Those were my favorite.
“It’s just the timing. I don’t know if I’m ready for kids. I mean, I always thought that would come after I got my life pulled together and was settled in my own business. I wanted to be financially stable and have it all figured out, you know. And I guess I thought I’d be married.”
I knew Brian cared for me, maybe even loved me, but he’d never said that he wanted more than meeting up now and again after I moved back to Austin. Would he make time in his life for our baby? Would he even want one at this point in his life?
“Are you worried about Brian? I’m guessing it’s his.”
“Has to be,” I said. “We’ve got something going, but we’re a long way from ‘let’s raise a child together.’ I have no idea what his reaction is going to be.” My mind went back over all the times we’d had sex, and I was sure he’d always worn a condom. One of them obviously broke and we didn’t notice.
“Yes, you do.” Aurora smiled at that. “You know Brian. He’s the kind of man who will be there for you and his baby, no matter what.”
“True,” I said, even as I wondered if it was really true. He was dependable, sure, but he was there for the town first. “I’m sure he’d try to be there for us.” Suddenly, I realized that I’d become anusas soon as I read the pregnancy results. Me and my child together. Would that include Brian? And how would we work it out? Because raising a child without a partner seemed daunting.
Not to mention,wherewould we raise the child? I didn’t want to live in Poplar Springs, and Brian had no interest in moving back to Austin with me. We’d have to split custody. What if he insisted that I stay in town? I nearly shuddered at the thought. Despite how nice most people had been to me since my return, I still didn’t feel entirely comfortable here. That may have all originated with my parents, but I couldn’t get past it.
And I didn’t want to give up the dream Mel and I had of opening our own tattoo business. Thanks in part to Brian, it looked likely that our money would get returned, which would make the dream achievable again. I didn’t want to give that up when we were so close.
“It’ll work out,” Aurora said. “I feel sure of it.”
“I hope so. I just don’t see how at the moment.” I appreciated my friend’s optimism, but I wasn’t so confident myself.
Aurora glanced at the clock. “We’ve left Alex to man the floor for too long. I’m going back out to deal with the lunch crowd. You take as long as you need.”
“I’m okay.” I stood up. “I better get back to work since I’m about to have two mouths to feed.” I went for a joking tone but didn’t quite pull it off.
The second I walked back to the front of the diner I saw Brian slide into a booth by himself. He dropped his hat on the seat next to him and rubbed a hand over his face, seeming weighed down by something. He was like that with his work, and I suddenly felt reluctant to add to his sense of responsibility.
“There’s my favorite waitress,” he said when I approached his table. He smiled at me and I felt the glow from that ping inside me. It made me think that everything could work out between us, but I knew that was a false hope. Telling him about the baby would change everything between us. I felt consumed by a wave of fear and knew he could see it on my face.
“What is it, darling?” He kept his voice low.
