“You fucked me to get closer to the club?” he asks.
“I needed to find him. I figured you would know,” I admit, even though it kills me inside. Before I have the chance to say anything further, Patch walks away, leaving me to the cross.
Chapter 21
Patch
I’m not sure what I feel. Used? No, that isn’t it. She was doing what she had to do to find her brother. I’m just sorry I had to be the one to tell her, like she hasn’t been through enough already.
I sit on my bed with my head in my hands, wondering what the hell I should do next. My head's a mess. My chest feels tight.
The door to my room opens, but I don’t bother to look up and see who it is. I don’t really care at this point.
“He was everything I had left. We talked almost every day. He was everything to me.”
“I didn’t know about you. I knew he had a sister, but we didn’t question him further,” I tell her, not looking up at her.
“He took care of me. He was always there for me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Was he happy here?” she asks me.
“He was. He was a good guy,” I tell her.
“I’m glad he had that. He was always looking for more. Always wanted more.”
“He had that here. As I said, he was a good guy.”
“I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I don’t know how to move forward. What does the future even look like for someone like me?” Now I raise my head to look at her. Lost. Confused. That’s what I see when I look in her eyes.
“I feel guilty. I feel like this is my fault. We’re pretty sure it’s club-related,” I tell her.
“I didn’t have any enemies.”
“I know. You were in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
“I don’t blame you.” Her words shock me to the core. I expected her to blame me. I welcomed it because I blame myself.
“You don’t?” she shakes her head.
“No. It wasn’t your fault.”
“What you feel for me … was it before or after?”
“A little of both.” I nod my head.
“I feel like our relationship is toxic. We can’t stop rememberin’ the past,” I admit to her.
“Relationship?” she mimics what I said.
“There’s somethin’ there. We both know it. We both felt it before that shit happened.”
“You did?” she asks, sounding unsure.
“I did. I didn’t want to admit it to myself. I didn’t want to see things that way. I closed off, I did what I always do and pushed you away.”
“You said it was only sex.”
