He wasn’t scanning my memories… He was ripping them apart and stitching them together to make new ones.
I didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t.
I’d lived through wars I wasn’t sure I’d ever fought in, and I’d suffered illnesses that should have killed me. I had memories of being shot, stabbed, tortured, and raped.
My mind was a warzone, and I’d been huddled in the trenches for too long.
I was breaking.
I couldn’t remember who I was… I didn’t know which way was up and which way was down.
I just knew, if I focused hard enough, a small bright spot would open in my mind and I could often slip through.
On the other side of that bright, white tunnel was a small, familiar pond.
It was always a sunny day at the pond, and if I was really lucky, sometimes there was a boy there, catching frogs.
“Hey, Sebastian!” the boy always greeted me, his copper eyes shining and his chestnut hair sticking up in every direction. “I’ve missed you.”
I missed you too… oh god… I missed you so much…
“Why don’t you come play with me for a bit?”
“Yeah? You wouldn’t mind?”
“Of course not, you’re my friend, and you look like you could use a rest.”
“Yeah. I could use a rest. I’m so tired,” I admitted to the boy, and he gave me a bright smile, the sun reflecting dapples of gold and green across his friendly face.
“Stay here with me. I’ll keep you safe.”
“You’re a good friend,” I whispered as he pulled me into a tight hug.
“Friends always have each other’s backs,” he promised, and I felt myself smile.
They did.
Friends always had each other’s backs.
The last memory played out, and I was so fucking devastated I wasn’t sure I could even form words.
He was…alwaystrying to protect me… and I… I’d been ahorriblefriend. I’d let Luke convince me that he was against me… when really… he’d given upeverythingto try and keep me safe the best way he knew how. How could I not have seen that it was all a lie?
The memories flickered, and to my surprise, one more queued up, causing my heart to stutter in my chest.
This was a memory of Sebastian as I’d seen him earlier. He was staring at himself in a mirror, his stitched skull looking gruesome in the cold industrial light of what appeared to be a Neurovance bathroom. The NeuroExtractor he’d used to collect his memories was clutched in his hand, and I knew before he spoke that he’d made this memory just for me.
“Jay… If you’re watching this… I’m probably dead.”
Milo choked in my lap, and I squeezed him tighter against my chest, willing my pounding heart to calm down.
“I didn’t show you these to make you feel guilty or bad about anything.” He twitched violently, as if he was experiencing some phantom pain. He was forced to pause briefly as he waited for the episode to pass. My fingers spasmed around Milo’s waist in agony as I watched Sebastian struggle with the repercussions of what Luke had done to him.
The memory flickered, and once the image straightened back out, he made eye contact with himself in the mirror again, though he was clearly speaking directly to me.
“NOVA told me over and over again to just be honest with you… and maybe I should have listened. But… hindsight is 20/20. It’s too late for that now. Luke’s pushed my mind too far… there’s no… there’s no coming back from this for me.”
“Seb…” I rasped, as if the man in the memory could hear me.
