“Butwhat!?”
“But Iamdisgusting. I can’t stand that he knows that about me. He wants to look at my scars. I can’t… I couldn’tbearit if he saw all of me only to tell me what I already knew and then leave me because of it.”
My mouth parted in surprise at the truth of my own words. I hadn’t fully processed that this was how I was feeling and what I was truly afraid of.
Hecate fell quiet for a beat as the heaviness of my confession hung betweenus.
She laid a gentle hand on my arm and turned sympathetic silver eyes up at me. It wasn’t pity; it was just a sort of soft understanding. Like my feelings were valid, and she’d heard them and commiserated in solidarity. As a friend.
“So you left him first.”
I swallowed and nodded, my eyes stinging with the annoying burn of tears.
“Hazai. Gabe is not going to leave you if you show him the darkest parts of you. Look at how I met him. He’s just as dark as you are. You’re perfect for each other.”
“He told me he was going to leave me after I made out with that witch the other night.”
She pursed her lips. “Yeah, well. That was a dick move on your part. I’m Team Gabe on that one. But I also don’t believe it. He loves you too much to abandon you over a small slip-up like that. What did he actually say?”
Fuck.
I always forgot how fucking perceptive she was.
“He said I needed to give him a piece of myself so he could understand why I do the fucked up shit I do to him. I couldn’t do it. So he threatened to leave.”
“So he basically asked you to show him your scars, and you couldn’t.”
I swallowed, a chokedyeahdragging out of my mouth.
“Wanna know how I see it?”
I rolled my eyes and glared at her.
“You’re gonna tell me anyway.”
“Yep.” She tapped her finger on her chin pensively for a moment before continuing.
“You won’t show him the parts of you he’s demanding to see because you’re afraid of losing him. So, instead, you left him and lost him anyway. Sounds like stupid demon-boy logic to me. At least if you grow a pair of fucking balls and let yourself be vulnerable forfive seconds,you’d have a chance to keep him.
“Sure, hemightsee your scars, say it’s too much and abandon you, though I can tell you right now that will never fucking happen. Or, youcould bitch out, not even try, and do what you’re doing now and lose him anyway.”
“Hecate…” I groaned, pressing my fingers into the corners of my eyes. She patted my arm gently, and when I looked at her next, she had a soft, almost encouraging look on her face.
“Show him, Hazai. He might surprise you.”
“I’m—” I let out another exasperated sigh, then thought—fuck it. I’d already bared enough truths to her today; what was one more?
“I’m scared,” I admitted, and something almost close to pride flashed across her face.
It was strange. I’d always thought admitting to fear made people weak. Hecate was looking at me like admitting it made mebrave.
Witches were weird creatures.
“And is succumbing to your fear worth losing Gabe?”
I knew the answer to that.
I didn’t need to think.
