All the cemeteries were empty, and after hours of searching, I finally gave up and headed home, resolving to head out again in the morning.
To my utter shock, I found him in the one place I didn’t think to look.
Our temporary home.
He was sprawled in one of the kitchen chairs with a bottle of liquor that appeared to have come from Hex and Haven and a glass of sparkling purple liquid clutched in trembling fingers.
“Shemhazai?” I said gently as I entered.
He’d been staring despondently at the wall, but when I spoke, his gaze snapped to meet mine.
“Hey,” he croaked.
“Hi,” I replied.
I stood there, staring at him for a long moment, waiting for him to speak first.
He opened his mouth, and the pain in his eyes was too much for me to bear.
“I can’t,” he whispered. “I know you want me to talk about it. But I can’t.”
“I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me, baby.” My voice came out broken and torn. Like the words were shredding over a field of broken glass as they tumbled from my lips.
If his ears had been out, they would have flattened against his head.
He took another long pull of his drink and turned back to stare at the wall.
“I never asked for your help.”
A low growl built in my chest.
‘He’ll never tell you, you know.’
I hated it, but the seraphim’s words rang true. He wouldnevertell me. If I wanted answers, I would need to get them straight from the source.
It felt wrong, but I needed to know.
Shemhazai may not have wanted my help, but he was getting it anyway. And until I knew where and how he was hurt, I couldn’t begin the long but very worthwhile process of healing him.
“If you won’t talk to me, I’ll need to go to someone who will.”
His head whipped back in my direction, and pureterrorripped through his expression. He was suddenly in front of me, his drink spilled and forgotten on the ground as he fisted my shirt.
“No. Please,Gabriel. I’m begging you. Please just leave it alone.”
The significance of Shemhazaibeggingme foranythingwas not lost on me, but even if he got on his hands and knees, I couldn’t give him what he asked for.
If I let this go, there was no future for us. His past was standing between our growth and preventing him from truly allowing me to get close to him.
If I didn’t do this, we might as well just give up now because there was nowhere else for us to go.
I gently pried his fingers out of my clothing and stepped away from him, shaking my head sadly.
“I’m sorry, Shemhazai. I know you don’t want me to, but sometimes to heal, you need to push through the pain first. I’m going to help you do that.”
“If you do this, I willneverforgive you!” he snarled, his pupils so large they’d swallowed the green on his irises.
I sighed, letting him see how much this was hurting me, too.
