And he was the only thing in this life that I was truly afraid of.
Well, that, and now the idea of losing Gabe. The thought of living without him terrified the shit out of me.
I’d tried to push him away, and it wasn’t until it actually started working and he threatened to leave me that I realized I was already well and truly fucked.
It wasn’t clear to me when I’d crossed the point of no return in my feelings for him, but I couldn’t lie to myself anymore.
I could andhadsurvived many atrocities in my life, but looking down at Gabe as he slept peacefully next to me, I realized that losing him was not something I would survive. If anything were to happen to him, I wouldn’t come back from it.
He was imprinted on me. Like a piece of my soul… if demons even had souls.
I knew we hadsomethingthat animated us, and whatever mine was made of, it was now inextricably bound to Gabriel.
Since the night I’d let him inside my body, this strange humming bond had sparked between us—a dark, violet thread that I could almost literally see if I focused hard enough, and it scared me almost as much as Raziel did.
Not because I felt chained to him or trapped in any way.
But because if that bond were to disappear and I could no longer use it to find my way back to Gabriel, I knew I would truly be lost.
As if he could sense my internal spiral, he let out an adorable little mumble and wrapped his arms around me.
He pulled me in tight to his chest and buried his nose in my neck, inhaling deeply.
“Your thoughts are noisy,” he hummed, his hot breath tickling my throat.
Over the last few days, I’d been braver and had started removing my shirt before bed. My pants, however, stayed on unless Gabe was able to cover me. I didn’t think I would ever be able to truly expose myself. Not unless Raziel was dead.
“You can’t hear my thoughts.”
“Mmmm. No. But I can kind of feel them. Ever since you let me inside you, I can feel it when you’re upset.”
I frowned at this, wondering how that was possible. However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized I could sort of feel Gabe’s moods, too. It was just more subtle because he was rarely upset. He was like a soothing balm.
Cool, relaxed.
Solid.
Somehow, the opposite of me, but always exactly what I needed.
I wrapped my arms around him and nuzzled my nose in his hair, tilting his head up so I could find that spot on his jaw that I loved to kiss so much.
“I think we should abandon this mission and just go back to Hell,” I whispered, and Gabe jerked away from me, looking down at me like I’d just said the most unhinged shit he’d ever heard.
“Why would you say something like that?” he growled, and I sighed as I felt his anger flare.
Alright, yeah. Could definitely feel his emotions.
I shrugged, shooting him a lazy smirk.
“I don’t know. This is all just so tedious and boring. I want to do something more fun.” I stretched out underneath him, feigning a laziness I didn’t feel.
Gabe narrowed his eyes on me from where he held himself up over my chest.
“We’re literally about to go to war tomorrow, Shemhazai. Youlovewar. You started most of them.”
I shrugged, unable to look him in the eyes.
“War is so last season. I’m all about world peace now.”
