I knew his father had left him and his mom.
He’d told me that his mom used to always say when he asked her why his father left them alone… Why he didn’t want them.
‘You’re not alone, sweet boy, I’m right here!’
She obviously hadn’t known she was going to pass away when she told him that. But still, the damage was done. My baby had been floating through life, feeling completely lost and abandoned by the people who were supposed to support and protect him.
The thought of him believing I would voluntarily toss him away like thatbrokesomething in me.
Suddenly, I was screaming.
“OF COURSE I WANT YOU!” I roared, and his eyes widened in surprise. “How could you think I don’twantyou? I fuckingloveyou, Finn! I’m so fucking in love with you I can’t seem to tell the goddamned difference between right and wrong anymore!” I snarled, backing him up until he was pressed against my tombstone.
“Then why thefuckwould you tell me to sleep withJet?” hegrowled, pressing his throat against my hand hard enough that his beautiful face turned red.
“Because I’m fuckingdead,Finn!” I yelled. I was inches from his face, and I knew my own face was likely as red as his.
My whole body was so tense I felt like I might shatter into a million pieces. I was so distraught that it was taking everything in me not to squeeze his neck until it snapped.
I wanted to steal his breath away and keep him here with me forever.
The second that thought crossed my mind, my fingers spasmed with horror.
I didn’t want that.
I didn’t want Finn dead.
I would never want that for him.
Immediately, the tension melted out of my body. Without taking my hand away from his throat, I pressed closer to him.
I brushed my thumb over his pulse, reveling at the feeling of his steady heartbeat. Savoring the warm feeling of hot blood pumping beneath the surface of his skin.
I watched his shoulders rise and fall with each breath he took.
Being alivehad never looked so fucking good as it did on my sweet, perfect baby boy.
I rested my forehead against his, and a sob rolled through me.
“He’s alive, and I’m fuckingdead,”I repeated, softer this time, my voice cracking as I fought off another sob.
Fucking Christ… I couldn’t keep the tears down.
Suddenly, Finn’s strong arms wrapped around my waist, and he tugged me into him, pressing our bodies flush against each other. His wetsuit dampened my T-shirt, and I curled into his warm body. He sat back on my tombstone as I buried my face in the crook of his neck, and I shuddered as I fought off another bone-deep sob that threatened to rip through my chest.
Finn’s hand slid up my back, and he curled his fingers into my hair, pressing firm kisses into the side of my head as I shook violently against him.
“Shh… It’s okay, I’m here. I’ve got you…” he murmured in between kisses, his hot breath caressing my ear.
“Baby…I’mso sorry…”I sobbed, and he squeezed me harder. He sniffed softly, and I realized that he was crying now, too.
“I know…” He hummed, stroking my hair gently as he held me. “I know you are.”
“I just want what’s best for you. You can’t be with a ghost, Finn,” I whispered, and he squeezed me tighter against him.
“Why not?”
His voice was small, and I shut my eyes and gently kissed the side of his neck.
