His frown deepened. “I’m not buying it, buddy. Spill. What’s grumpifying you?”
I dropped my hands to his hips and tugged him more firmly against me, enjoying the weight of him sitting in my lap.
Resting my forehead on his clavicle, I sighed.
“I’m never going to get a chance to stop worrying about you, am I, baby? Goliath is amazing. I just wish they were sponsoring you for another competition. Literallyanyother competition.”
“Oh…” There was a pause, and then he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and kissed the side of my head. “I see.”
“I just… I know this is who you are. I know you’re not capable of feeling fear. But Finn…Ican feel fear. All I’ve felt is fear since I met you.”
“Jake…” His voice was strained, and he kissed the side of my head again, nuzzling his nose into my hair just above my ear.
“I don’t want you to get hurt,” I whispered.
“I won’t, baby. Didn’t I prove to you today that I could handle it?”
Pulling back, I looked up at his adorably concerned face and rubbed my thumbs across his hip bones.
I wanted to tell him that he did great, but I’d surfed waves just like the one he shredded today dozens of times before it finally killed me.
I wanted to tell him that I believed in him, and I was happy for him, and I loved him so much that when I looked at him, it physicallyhurtme to imagine a world without him in it.
I wanted to tell him that I knew what it felt like to always be chasing the next adrenaline high, but nothing, not even a sponsorship deal with one of the biggest energy drink brands in the world, was worth hislife.
I wanted to tell him all of this, but it wouldn’t change his mind.
Saying these things wouldn’t make him reconsider.
They would makemefeel better, but they would hurt him and make him feel like I wasn’t supportive of his dreams or proud of his success.
So, instead, I leaned forward and skated my lips against his, breathing in his intoxicating scent.
“I love you so much,” I murmured against him, pressing a soft kiss on his lower lip. He rocked in my lap, and I felt him grow hard as my grip tightened on his hips.
“I love you too,” he breathed, and I swallowed that breath, savoring it like the precious thing it was.
I stood up, taking him with me, and pressed kiss after kiss against his lips. He wrapped his legs around my waist and traced his tongue over my mouth as I took him to our bedroom.
I didn’t want to ruin this moment for him, so I kept all my worries and my thoughts to myself, burying them deep inside my chest and locking them away.
The only way I was going to be able to make it through this was by losing myself in him.
So, when I laid him down in our bed, and he looked up at me with that trusting, dimpled smile that made my dead heart melt, I let go.
This was his choice, and I was going to support him no matter what he chose to do.
Even if it killed the one person I loved more than anything this godforsaken planet had to offer.
Alexa Play: Heal by Tom Odell
“Baby, you made me dinner, and it’s going to get cold.” Finn hummed against my lips as I crawled on top of him. He was already unzipping his wetsuit and slipping out of it, returning my kisses with enthusiasm.
“We can stop if you’re hungry,” I murmured, biting his pouty lips as I helped him peel his suit over his ass.
“I’m hungry for something else; I just feel bad you went through all that work to make me a steak…”
“Fuck the steak,” I rumbled, pulling back so I could admire his naked body sprawled out beneath me.
