“You killed him,” I whispered to the ocean as if it could hear me. Time rippled, and suddenly, the anger I was feeling made sense.
The water—this thing that Iloved—had also taken something so huge from me that I could barely understand the magnitude of the loss.
Jake and I would never be able to get married or grow old together. We could never go to Australia and check out the surf scene there. We couldn’t travel across the states to visit all the different beaches.
We would never ride in surf competitions together. He would never be able to come with me to cheer me on if I ever made it to the Olympics.
Jake would always have to stay here until one day, whatever it was that kept him here, decided it was time for him to go, and he would fade away.
My pink board cut through the water with the force of a blade as I fell back into position, my eyes narrowing with determination.
“I’m gonna fuck youup,”I spat at the wave, and I could have sworn the ocean laughed at me as I tore horizontally across the now nearly vertical incline of water that was trying to eat me alive.
I was eighty feet in the air. So much adrenaline was pumping through me that I was sure I wasn’t breathing.
The second I realized I wasn’t, I focused on my breath, remembering what Jake had taught me all those weeks ago.
‘The most important thing you can do on this Earth is breathe.’
Inhale.
Carve.
Slice.
The beast roared as it began to close its mighty jaws.
‘Breathing properly means you’re present.’
Exhale.
Cut.
Slash.
The wave crested, and it began to break behind me. I leaned forward, training my gaze on the end zone, instinctively finding myself a safe place to land.
‘Breathing means you’re locked in. Focused.’
I was. I was so fucking locked in…
The thunder and crash of the water behind me sent a thrill up my spine. The demon screeched as it cannibalized itself, urging me to press forward even more. I willed my board to go faster, cut deeper.
To make this bitchbleed.
I tore out the end of the pipe, catching literal air as I exited the wave. Skipping expertly across the surface of the ocean, I whooped as I landedexactlywhere I had planned.
The momentum of my exit took me halfway to shore and safety. I chanced a glance over my shoulder to relish in the collapse of the Leviathan I had just slain.
I was smiling from ear to ear, my heart racing so fast I was sure that the screaming and cheering crowd on the beach could hear each thump.
But it wasn’t them I cared about.
All I cared about were the blue eyes that watched me as I sped toward shore, those full lips that curled into a smile, and the pure look of pride Jake was giving me as I flattened myself on my board so I could paddle toward him.
With each stroke, his voice rang through my mind, and my eyes filled with tears as I made my way home.
‘Breathing, Finn, means that you’re alive.’
