“I can’t believe I’m going to get to experience your first time at IKEA.”
Alexa, play: HIT EM WHERE IT HURTS - PawPaw Rod
Watching Cal experience IKEA was like watching a kid walk into a candy store for the first time. He and Naomi were practicallyvibratingwith excitement, and it took about five minutes for me to decide it would probably be a good idea to separate them.
“Ginger snap! Look at this tiny kitchen! You would look so good bent over these counters!” he yammered, ripping open drawers and nearly squealing in delight when he found them full of organizers and IKEA cutlery sets.
“It’s set up like a real house! Omg! Look at this miniliving room!Baby, can we get this couch!?”
We’d barely made it past the first few display rooms, and our cart was already full of random shit we didn’t need.
“He’s adding shit to the cart like he’s fucking Beyonce.” Theo chuckled, and I sighed, doing my best to subtly put things back when he wasn’t looking.
“Yeah, except he doesn’t make Beyonce money anymore. I’m not sure he’s figured that out yet.”
“Why don’t I take him out of the showroom? The marketplace may be less… stimulating.” Theo mused as we watched Cal try on a bathrobe he’d found in one of the tiny fake bathrooms.
“Probably a good idea, I’ll take Naomi through the rest of the showroom. She’s handling it a little better…”
Though not by much. Naomi’s eyes were so big I thought they might pop out of her head. She kept grabbing random throw pillows and picture frames and showing them to Cal with stars in her eyes. Then, Cal would agree that she absolutely couldnot live withoutthis new addition, and somehow, it would end up in the cart.
“Alright, rockstar, let’s get out of here,” Theo grumbled, hooking her arm through Cal’s elbow. “Let’s go see if we can find your sister something she actually needs… Like a cheese grater or something.”
I chuckled, appreciative that Theo was clearly attempting to divert Cal’s attention to lower-ticket items.
“Let’s head toward the bedroom section, Gnomes. I don’t think you need most of this stuff in a dorm. You mostly need bedding and maybe a shower caddy or something.”
Naomi allowed me to lead her through the maze, still clearly completely enamored with everything we passed. We arrived in the bedding section and were looking at the options for duvets when someone bumped into me from behind, hard enough that I nearly dropped the desk lamp I’d been holding.
“Watch it!” the man said, and I turned around to see who was dickish enough to nearly run me over and then be an ass about it.
Then, to my complete and utter horror, I came face to face with KennyfuckingSamuels.
I hadn’t seen him since high school, and the years had not been kind to him. He’d played football and really filled out during senior year, but now that extra muscle seemed to have turned into bulky weight.
His gut was round, and his cheeks swelled with disgust as he realized who it was he had run into.
“Ryan?Ryan Fairview?”he hollered, and Naomi looked back and forth between us, her eyes narrowing.
She pulled out her phone, and I saw her fire off a text to Cal, which made my blood run cold. Thelastthing I wanted was for Cal to cross paths with this asshole.
It had taken me all morning to convince him he didn’t need to bring his gun with us to IKEA, and now I was glad I’d taken the time to do that.
Cal had been doingsowell lately. He hadn’t killed anyone since Damian, and I didn’t want Kenny fucking Samuels to make him relapse. Because I knew in my bones that if Cal caught this man saying anything negative to me, Kenny could kiss his little life goodbye.
“Hey, Kenny,” I mumbled, doing my best to drop my gaze and push past him. “We were just leaving.”
“Ha!” He laughed. “I have to say I’m shocked to find anundertakerat an IKEA. Didn’t think your type shopped at places like this… though I guess it makes sense. Don’t faggots love interior design?”
I froze, feeling the blood drain from my face. Objectively, I knew that Kenny’s words should hold no weight with me. However, they triggered some deep-seated insecurities that I had been struggling with since I was a child.
Just like that, I was suddenly eight years old again, and the entire class was laughing at me.
Faggot!
Undertaker!
Freak!
